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TODAY contributor
updated 2/1/2013 4:31:04 PM ET 2013-02-01T21:31:04

Dr. Gilda Carle

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.

Q: These days a lot of us are prescribed medications that can be a little embarrassing to disclose. My girlfriend recently found paperwork on one of my medications, and was furious I hadn't told her about it. What's your advice on talking about medications? —How Much, How Soon?

Dear How Much, How Soon?,
Your question is common during intimate beginnings. “When do I divulge my STD?”  “How do I reveal my incarceration?” “When should I discuss my disabled child?”

The timing of a revelation depends on the level of propinquity you enjoy, and where you intend to take your romance. Of course, it’s unnecessary to reveal medical conditions early on. But this topic should naturally emerge as two people become closer.

Assess the meaning behind your girlfriend’s reaction:  Did she think you were deliberately concealing or is she truly concerned about your health?  If her reaction stimulates deeper discussion, its value will be in getting a better sense of where this romance is now, and where it’s headed. —Dr. Gilda

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Q: I still love my ex, but I'm seeing someone new. My ex recently texted me after seeing my Facebook picture updated with the new girl. She dated another guy right after we broke up, but I think they have now split. What is she doing to me? She is ruining my new relationship because I still have feelings for her. But I might ALWAYS have feelings for her, and I'm afraid of ending up alone in this pattern. Please advise. --Not In, Not Out

Dear Not, Not,
Dude, girlfriend No. 1 owns the mortgage on your spine! The answer to your question, “What is she doing to me?” is “All you’re allowing her to.” You say, “She is ruining my new relationship.” Duh! The only one who can ruin your relationship is you! And you’re doing that quite effectively. You’re spinelessly using girlfriend No. 2 because you fear “ending up alone.” Does she know that?

Until you emotionally release your ex, you won’t be free.  As my Gilda-Gram™ warns, “You lure exactly what you fear.” That’s because fear is all you’re thinking about. Exit the laundromat with clean clothes before throwing more laundry into your spin cycle! —Dr. Gilda 

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Click here to send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.

© 2013 NBCNews.com  Reprints


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