It’s all too common for me to hear horribly painful stories about the more-than-hard to take mother-in-law. As the mother of a son (granted he’s only 13 years old right now), I get it. Why would any mother want to share her fabulous son with another woman? The problem is, if you raise your son to be a healthy adult, that’s exactly what is going to happen. After all, he can’t marry his mother! So, how does a lovely lady deal with her beloved’s mother, particularly if she isn’t so keen on sharing her son with you?
We get to pick our partners, but we don’t get to pick what type of mothers they have. It might be that you never love your partner’s mother; maybe she isn’t loveable, but as long as you’re in your man’s life, she is going to find her way into yours. Since there’s no way around it, the best strategy is to find some way to survive her. After all, it’s important to keep in mind that she did raise this man that you fell in love with. You may not want to give her total credit for him, but mothers do have a way of shaping their son’s personalities as well as their feelings about the women in their lives. If you find your partner to be a good guy, his mother probably had more than a little something to do with it.
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Because mothers are their son’s first loves, they hugely influence what’s known as a person’s love map. A love map is a person’s idea about what the ideal mate will be and look like. On some level, your partner chose you to be his love, because you feel familiar and comfortable to him. Like it or not, you probably feel similar in some ways to his mother. Don’t worry, you also feel different, too. If none of these psychological insights make you feel better, here are some other strategies to try out:
- Try to spend some time with your mate’s mother alone. See if developing your own connection to her can make you less threatening. This can help strengthen the relationship.
- Just because your partner wants to spend time with his mother, doesn’t mean that you have to, too. Allow your mate to bond with his mother without you, occasionally. This can give gals that much needed “mommy” break, which can be very healthy.
- Express what you’d like from your partner, when it comes to his mother. Do this when you’re not feeling angry. Ask for livable boundaries to be set into place when it comes to her.
- Remember there is room for the two of you to be in his life — even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.
- Finally, when you’re around “mommy dearest” try to focus on a characteristic you do like about her, as small as it may be. Even if it’s miniscule, this strategy can be hugely effective.
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