1. Headline
  1. Headline
Image Source  /  Getty Images/Image Source
Have a relationship dilemma? Let Dr. Gilda answer your question!
TODAY.com
updated 6/1/2012 12:27:58 PM ET 2012-06-01T16:27:58

Dr. Gilda Carle

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.

Q. My best friend is a guy, and people always commented about us being interested in each other — which was untrue. I always told him I wanted to be friends, and nothing more. But NOW I'm regretting that. I really love him, and I want us to be romantic partners. How do I fix this? —More than Friends

Dear More than Friends,
Things were going fine — until you decided to change the script from platonic friendship to sexual partnership. While you erroneously believe you can “fix this,” it’s not a “fix” you need. You really want to expand on what is already there.

Lasting love must begin with friendship, and you already have that nailed. If you say nothing to your friend, your torment will continue. If you share your feelings, your guy might run. Yet, people do tend to reflect each other’s vibes. So if you’re feeling the heat, perhaps he’s feeling it, too.

  1. More about relationships
    1. Why is my ex playing mind games?
    2. Is the '3 day rule' dead? Dating trends revealed
    3. 30-second therapist: Help! How do I make my ex love me again?
    4. 30-second therapist: My man doesn't pay any bills — should I leave him?
    5. My boyfriend doesn't buy me gifts — does he love me?

Test that possibility. Flirt, smile, and ask him, “What if you and I were to become an item?” Observe his reaction very carefully. It will tell you how to proceed. —Dr. Gilda

Q: My first love from 30 years ago found me on Facebook, and we have been talking for almost a year. The problem is, he has a live-in girlfriend of 20 years. He says he’s unhappy and wants to leave her, but I feel if he truly wanted to end things, he would have done so already. He tells me to be patient, and that he loves me. Should I give him extra time to end things with her, or do I give up on re-uniting with my first love? We have become so close again, and want the same things in life and love. I want a happy ending, but am I being foolish in love? —Loving Memories

Dear Loving Memories,
There’s obviously something in your DNA that craves drama. Lothario has been with his live-in lover for 20 years, despite being “unhappy.” Where’s my violin? You ask why he hasn’t “already” left her for you. I ask why he hadn’t left her before he re-met you!

Your “first love” is a wimp, fearful of life on his own. Cunningly, he showers you with memories of your youth — and nothing more. “Be patient”? Really? For another 30 years?

Girlfriend, you don’t really KNOW this man-child. “Talking” to him and “being” with him are two very different states. Examine your need to convert “make-believe” into an impossible reality. You want a “happy ending”? Read a fairy tale! —Dr. Gilda

Do you agree with Dr. Gilda’s advice? Do you have your own? Share it in the comments below.

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Click here to send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle  is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor at New York’s Mercy College and has written 15 books; her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”

© 2012 MSNBC Interactive.  Reprints

Discuss:

Discussion comments

,

Most active discussions

  1. votes comments
  2. votes comments
  3. votes comments
  4. votes comments

More on TODAY.com

  1. Joan Lunden: 10 things I wish I knew before I was diagnosed with breast cancer

    From the moment you hear the words ‘You have breast cancer,’ it’s almost like you’re shot out of a cannon. Here are 10 things I wish I knew before I was diagnosed.

    10/1/2014 10:52:45 AM +00:00 2014-10-01T10:52:45
  2. Want to help? A guide to breast cancer charities

    In the United States an estimated 296,000 women and 2,240 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year and almost 40,000 women and 410 men will die of the disease. That's one death every 14 minutes, according to the National Breast Cancer Coalition.

    10/1/2014 10:45:11 AM +00:00 2014-10-01T10:45:11
  3. Samantha Okazaki / TODAY
  1. Kevin Lamarque / Reuters

    Secret Service director resigns amid scandal

    10/1/2014 7:30:52 PM +00:00 2014-10-01T19:30:52
  1. Texas Ebola patient had contact with kids

    Texas Gov. Rick Perry said in a press conference on Wednesday that “some school-age children” had been identified as having contact with the man diagnosed with the first case of Ebola in the United States. 

    10/1/2014 5:37:52 PM +00:00 2014-10-01T17:37:52
  1. Carrie Vitt

    5 things we learned from '100 Days of Real Food' blogger Lisa Leake

    10/1/2014 6:30:19 PM +00:00 2014-10-01T18:30:19
  1. Getty Images file

    Brad Pitt loves 'being a father,' raves about kids, Angelina Jolie

    10/1/2014 6:16:00 PM +00:00 2014-10-01T18:16:00