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Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.
Q: I've been single for several years. Yes, I am very particular about the man allowed in my space. There has to be chemistry on that initial meeting. I met a man who is not everything I am looking for, but the chemistry is there. We have much in common. My issue is that he likes women A LOT. Most of his relationships are with women, and I see that as an indication he needs a whole lot of attention to keep his self-esteem up. Also, I question whether one woman will ever satisfy him. I have no interest in having to keep my guard up and constantly wonder whom he might be flirting with. My gut says, "Walk away," but the chemistry says, “Stay.” He also lives in another city! — Chemistry or Catastrophe?
Dear Chemistry,
What strident stipulations you set up!! You insist, “There has to be chemistry...” at first, yet some relationships begin lukewarm before they build. You want to govern “…the man ‘allowed’ in my space,” as a parent would regulate a child. And you conclude your guy’s circle of female friends means “…he needs a whole lot of attention to keep his self-esteem up,” appointing yourself as his shrink. Forget this man’s possible shortcomings. Girl, with all your dictates and mandates, YOU reek of control! Consequently, no man will be “everything” you’re seeking.
Ordinarily, I recommend people go with their guts — and distance can indeed be a deterrent. However, before you contemplate long-term romance with anyone, you’d better first switch to a more inviting attitude! — Dr. Gilda
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More about relationships
Q: What do you do if the girl you are dating is 13 years older than what she told you when you met online? — Dubious Dater
Dear Dubious,
Is this girl’s real age a real issue for you? People embroider credentials online to impress. You swallowed the tainted bait, and you may be suffering from indigestion. But this depends on you.
A female client of mine found a guy online, and their feelings intensified on Skype. When they met in person, she revealed her true age. Although surprised because she looked much younger, he didn’t care. They’re married today. In contrast, a male client refused to see a woman again who admitted on their second date she shaved 2 years from her profile. He raged about her dishonesty. She moved on, and he’s still raging.
Dubious, your girl may be humanly insecure and vain, or she may be a pathological liar. Your findings and feelings will decide whether you want to cage this cougar. —Dr. Gilda
Do you agree with Dr. Gilda’s advice? Do you have your own? Share it in the comments below.
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Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor at New York’s Mercy College and has written 15 books; her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”
© 2012 MSNBC Interactive. Reprints
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