Q: I dated this man for two months. Shortly after our romance started, he was telling me he loved me. Although I wasn't there yet, I was falling fast. Then out of the blue, after an amazing weekend together, he ceased all contact with me. He has not returned my calls, texts — nothing! His silence is excruciating. I need to know what happened. I am tempted to contact his best friend to find out. I would like an answer, so I can find closure. Am I crazy? —Heartbroken in California
The only “crazy” thing you did was march to the 2-month beat of this dude’s drum. You say he vanished after “an amazing weekend together.” But if Casanova agreed the weekend was “amazing,” he’d still be around. For all you know, quick exits after sex are his pattern. Trying to diagnose dude’s erratic drumbeat is a waste of energy. Since he’s not showing up the way you want, on to the next!
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You THINK you “need to know what happened.” Girlfriend, you don’t! The only thing you “need” is to discover why you drew this character to you. Your ego’s curiosity may scream for details, but closure will only be found within. Admit to YOUR part in this game. Moreover, vow you’ll never again “fall” before you thoroughly know for whom. —Dr. Gilda
Q: I divorced my husband of twenty years when I finally admitted to myself that I preferred women to men. Now I'm 62 and totally alone. How do I re-enter the dating world and how do I re-enter it as an "out" lesbian? I've got a good job, a home of my own and a supportive family. All I'm missing is someone to share it with. But I know I can't compete in the looks department with these 20-somethings and 30-somethings. Can you help? —“Out” and Looking
It certainly took courage to leave your traditional lifestyle. But being a lesbian isn’t synonymous with being alone. However, being alone definitely reflects your attempts to “compete in the looks department” with women in their 20s and 30s. Lady, you’re 62, not 22! You need a partner who isn’t tailing after young babes. Why are you setting yourself up for this misery?
Either you’re unsure of your sexuality, or you’re unsure of your worthiness for love. Straight or gay, your concern should be how you feel about yourself and how you project that feeling. If your self-esteem isn’t radiating, get help. Only after you’re comfortable in your skin will you attract someone who appreciates it. —Dr. Gilda
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Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor at New York’s Mercy College and has written 15 books; her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”
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