30-second therapist: Why won’t he say ‘I love you’?

Dr. Gilda Carle

Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series.

Q: I was involved with a man that family and friends did not like. We lived together for four years and were engaged for 10 months. We broke up two years ago, but have rekindled our relationship. We worked out our issues, and we are discussing getting married. I have not told my family and friends about us getting back together. I want their blessing and want him to be included in my life the right way this time. How should I approach the subject with those close to me? —Telling the World

Dear Telling,

Wouldn’t it be great to show off a mate who changed his ways just for you? Unfortunately, in the real world, even if the two of you had not worn your warts in public, every person you know would still not love this guy and bless your union. Publicly declare that both of you havetaken responsibility for your past problems, to get as much buy-in as possible. As I like to say, “Everyone who touches us teaches us.” Assertively let your people know how much you’ve learned because of your early snags. When they see the respectful rapport you and your guy share, you won’t have to beg for acceptance to seal the deal!  —Dr. Gilda

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Q: I’m a mother of two who has been divorced for four years. I have had the same boyfriend for the past three years, but he won't tell me he loves me. He did at one time, but we broke up and that dialogue disappeared. He acts like he wants to be with me, but I don't have that security I want when someone says, “You are the only one.” Should I get out? I love him a lot. —Wanting It All

Dear Wanting,

Hey girl, drop the insecurity! You CAN have it all—but not always when you want it. Your guy is naturally skittish since your breakup. Most men are more vulnerable than you think, and will hold back until they’re sure you’re a keeper. But that is good news; you’ll get time to assess what’s more important to you—empty words or loving actions. As I like to advise, “The only test of someone’s feelings is his behavior.” You say boyfriend “acts like he wants to be with me.” No man stays where he doesn’t want to be. So embrace how he treats you, and show the dude your trust! If he once used the “L” word, he will again. But for the time being, the fact that he’s with you speaks volumes!

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Dr. Gilda Carle  is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor at New York’s Mercy College, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”