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IMAGE: Battlefield Earth
Warner Bros.
John Travolta will personally shoot you if you turn off "Battlefield Earth." Which may be less painful than watching it.
TODAY.com
updated 8/29/2011 9:32:48 AM ET 2011-08-29T13:32:48

We asked our staff to share the one movie they hate above all others. It's kind of cathartic, really. You can bash your own worst movies with us in our online chat (Aug. 29, 3:30 p.m. ET) or on Facebook.

Story: Summer bummer: 5 most disappointing movies

‘Sex and the City 2’
I love HBO’s “Sex and the City.” Love. It. Every time I flip by a rerun on TV, I watch it, no matter how many times I’ve already seen the particular episode. First movie? Adore! Second film? Ugh. I’m sorry the postal service didn’t lose the Netflix disc. In the sequel, everything was off. That opening scene at Stanford and Anthony’s wedding? In what crazy universe would those two — who despised each other in the series — end up in love and married? Samantha’s fierce devotion to a satisfying sex life and naughty quips were immensely fun on the show and in the first movie. In the sequel? So forced and painful. I could go on and on, but let’s just say that as a big “SATC” fan, I want my two and a half hours back. And no third film. Ever.   —Anna Chan

Story: What are the worst movies of past 5 years?

‘Battlefield Earth’
Thank you, John Travolta, for “Grease,” for “Saturday Night Fever,” and even for “Welcome Back, Kotter.” But “Battlefield Earth” wipes out all those good memories. Travolta, a Scientologist, longed for years to turn Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s science-fiction novel into a movie. Bad idea. Travolta himself plays a Psychlo, one of a race of 9-feet-tall aliens with dirty, clumpy hair and a penchant for freaky nose jewelry. He snarls and screams and has some plan to get humans (he calls them “man-animals”) to serve as slave gold miners but I couldn’t follow the plot, I was too busy imagining what Vinny Barbarino would say if he had to wear his hair that way. If the dialogue seems familiar, it’s because it’s a lot like when your brother was in seventh grade and he made you act in his own Super 8 monster movie. Actual line: “I am going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango.” The film is also better viewed if your theater is slowly sliding into the sea, as nearly every shot in the movie was filmed at a weird angle.   —Gael Fashingbauer Cooper

Slideshow: John Travolta has the right moves (on this page)

'Bride Wars'
Insulting, stupid and a crime against matrimony, "Bride Wars" featured 89 minutes of Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson as ostensible lifetime best friends who can't seem to agree to share a wedding date. Having spied a wedding in New York's Plaza Hotel as kids, the pair decide they simply must have their own nuptials there years later. Then, in a series of coincidences that only happen in the movies, the two get engaged and plan their weddings at the same time ... on the same day ... in The Plaza. Horrific pranks and unfunny mean fighting ensues, which causes us to hate both of them. "Bride Wars" again reinforces the idea of the "perfect" princess wedding that clearly all women expect and desire — and will apparently toss aside lifelong relationships aside to achieve. The cookie-cutter ceremony these two women expect turns them into white-clad cliches, and by the end (when they make up in five seconds, sitcom style), you're left wanting an annulment.  —Randee Dawn

Story: Cut! Cut! Movies so bad, you had to leave
IMAGE: Titanic
Paramount Pictures
"I'm king of the bad movies!"

'Titanic'
I know it won an Oscar. I know it set a box office record. I know millions of teenage girls swooned over Leo and his undying love for Kate. I can hear Celine Dion’s haunting voice as I type this. But as I sat in the packed theater watching this unending build-up to the huge event that everyone knows is coming, I found myself doing my own version of “Mystery Science Theater,” talking back to the screen and annoying the friend seated next to me. There is zero chance that a drifter like Jack would have gotten the attention of, much less the undying love of, a woman of Rose’s station in 1912. Drop her very wealthy fiancée for a guy who sleeps under bridges and draws naked pictures of legless prostitutes just cause she’s bored? Ha! And when Rose flips the bird to a ship’s steward as she and Jack try to evade capture, I almost walked out. But I did stay, hoping they would both go down with the ship. One for two!  —Denise Hazlick

Slideshow: Life and times of Leo (on this page)

‘In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale’
Oh, let me count the ways that this 2007 film let me down. If the moviemakers are going to use a video game in the title, it could be helpful if the movie had something to do with the game (it didn’t). When the main character’s name is Farmer, and he’s a farmer, don’t hold your breath for any intricate character exposition. I wonder how notorious director Uwe Boll described the project to the actors before they signed on. “Farmer slays foes as he rids the land of evil on his way to discovering he’s the lost son of the king?” Did they ever read a script? Somehow Boll managed to gather up some respectable names for this exercise: Jason Statham, Ron Perlman and Leelee Sobieski among others. John Rhys-Davies, “Gimli” from “The Lord of the Rings” series, has a part here too, but a catatonic Burt Reynolds and wildly miscast Ray Liotta stick out like sore thumbs in a production that plays like it was all thumbs. This movie is unsparingly bad.   —David Gostisha

Story: Someone save Bambi's mom! Worst kid films

'Jack'
A large part of the reason I hated Robin Williams' 1996 movie "Jack" was that it was a total trick. The trailers made you think it was a rollicking Robin-Williams-playing-funny-guy comedy about a boy who looked like a fully grown man, but really it was a terribly sad, tragic tale about misunderstanding, horrible disease, and lost opportunity. If that’s the kind of material I’m after, trust me, I’m all about combing through some non-fiction source material, or settling in for a good cry movie. But for the love of God, movie studios: don’t trick me. Teasing funny and giving me tragic is an offense of the highest order. I’m still holding it against Robin Williams.  —Courtney Hazlett
Story: 'Mystery Science' alums know bad movies better than anyone

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Photos: 9 most iconic movie kisses

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  1. 'Gone with the Wind'

    "You need kissing badly," Clark Gable, as Rhett Butler, told Vivien Leigh's Scarlett O'Hara in this 1939 epic. "You should be kissed, and often. And by someone who knows how." Later on, while proposing to the twice-widowed Scarlett, he proves he's the man for the job. (Courtesy Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  2. 'Lady and the Tramp'

    She was the original uptown girl; he was a lovable drifter. But when these two crazy pups came together over a very long piece of spaghetti in this 1955 animated film, it was forever.

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    InStyle.com: Julia Roberts's transformation

    InStyle.com: Demi Moore's transformation
    (Courtesy Everett Collectino) Back to slideshow navigation
  3. 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'

    Truman Capote's original 1958 novella wasn't exactly a love story, so the author was less than thrilled with the 1961 big screen adaptation. (For one thing, he'd wanted Marilyn Monroe to play Holly Golightly.) But audiences adored this stylish film, particularly for the final scene, in which Holly (Audrey Hepburn) and Paul (George Peppard) make a rainy New York City alley seem as romantic as any pink-streaked sunset. (Courtesy Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  4. 'When Harry Met Sally'

    This 1989 comedy made numerous witty contributions to the romantic lexicon -- and kickstarted a (still-raging) debate as to whether men and women could "really" be friends -- but it was the pair's New Year's Eve reconciliation that moved viewers to tears. As Billy Crystal (Harry) told Meg Ryan (Sally): "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

    InStyle.com: Perfect Valentine's Day gift ideas

    InStyle.com: Julia Roberts's transformation

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    (Courtesy Columbia / Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  5. 'Ghost'

    Technically, in this scene from the 1990 film, Molly Jensen (Demi Moore) is making out with Oda Mae Brown (Whoopi Goldberg). But because Oda Mae is channeling Molly's late boyfriend Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze), it's Sam that Molly -- and the viewers -- get to see. (Mary Evans/Ronald Grant / Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  6. 'Titanic'

    Director James Cameron initially planned to cast "an Audrey Hepburn type" to play the female lead in this 1997 epic, and Leonardo DiCaprio nearly turned down his role. It's still captivating to see him woo Kate Winslet's Rose, even if, as DiCaprio said in a recent interview, kissing Kate is "like kissing a family member."

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    InStyle.com: Julia Roberts's transformation

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    (Courtesy Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  7. 'Spider-Man'

    The upside down kiss that Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) shared with Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) in this 2002 flick was breath-taking for Maguire, but not for the reasons you might think. "The whole time I had rainwater running up my nose," he said. "Then, when Kirsten rolled back the mask, she cut my air off completely." (Courtesy Columbia Pictures / Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  8. 'Slumdog Millionaire'

    It was easy to see why Jamal (Dev Patel) was so hung up on his childhood friend Latika (Freida Pinto). When they finally kiss on a Mumbai train platform, it's a moment as exuberantly optimistic as the goofy dance scene that follows. Bonus points for still being a couple to this off-screen day.

    InStyle.com: Perfect Valentine's Day gift ideas

    InStyle.com: Julia Roberts's transformation

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    (Fox Searchlight / Courtesy Everett Collection) Back to slideshow navigation
  9. 'Twilight'

    Even the most diehard members of Team Jacob can't deny the romantic power of Bella and Edward's first kiss. Kristen Stewart -- who's almost uniformly closemouthed about her off-screen relationship with costar Robert Pattinson -- did offer "I get to kiss Edward Cullen," when asked to name a few of her favorite things about the gig. (Summit Entertainment) Back to slideshow navigation
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  1. Image:
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    Above: Slideshow (9) 9 most iconic movie kisses
  2. Image:
    Jojo Whilden / AP
    Slideshow (35) Most romantic movies of all time
  3. Image: John Travolta turns 60 years of age
    Etienne Laurent / EPA
    Slideshow (32) John Travolta has the right moves
  4. Image: Leonardo DiCaprio
    Paramount Pictures
    Slideshow (38) Life and times of Leo

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