Howard Stern: Divorcing first wife 'blew my mind'

The shock jock gets personal. In the latest issue of Rolling Stone, Howard Stern shares details about the end of his 21-year marriage to first wife Alison.

"My marriage ending blew my mind," the Sirius radio star, 57, revealed. "I was upset that I failed and let down my family, my kids, my ex-wife. It was all very painful."

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While no topic was off-limits for guests on his radio show, Stern admits he kept his own personal problems buried. But feeling like a "detached robot," he started going to therapy.

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"I was totally neurotic...I knew things weren't right, and I said, 'Gee, where am I going to get some answers?' I had never been a guy to turn to religion but then as my marriage was coming to an end, I needed help to explain it to my children and make sense of it all...Because once you are a divorced guy, being a father is a whole different thing."

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The sessions also helped him deal with his demons. "After my divorce, I realized, 'Oh wow, I can go have sex,'" he said. "And I was running around, picking up women.Then all of the sudden, it dawned on me that I really didn't need that much sex. I just wanted somebody with me ever minute. I was using women as a surrogate mother. When I tapped into that, it suddenly became very childish behavior."

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Happily remarried to actress-model Beth Ostrosky, 38, for the past two years, Stern says he is finally in a good place. "Things changed when we got married," he said. "Everyone before was like, 'Oh, are you Howard Stern's blond bimbo that hangs out with him?' But suddenly, when we were married, it was like, 'Oh, this is Howard's wife.' And that was important to me. Part of the reason I got married was that I wanted Beth to understand how important she is and also how equal I feel she is to me."