1. Headline
  1. Headline

Video: Chinese ‘Tiger mom’ defends tough parenting

By
TODAY books
updated 1/15/2011 10:46:32 AM ET 2011-01-15T15:46:32

In “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” Amy Chua describes her relentless determination to make her two daughters successful by raising them in a strict fashion, contrary to what she sees as modern American standards of permissiveness and mediocrity. In this excerpt, she starts to explain her parenting philosophy.

Part One

The Tiger, the living symbol of strength and power, generally inspires fear and respect.

The Chinese mother

A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it’s like inside the family, and whether they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I’ve done it. Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:

• attend a sleepover

• have a playdate

• be in a school play

• complain about not being in a school play

• watch TV or play computer games

• choose their own extracurricular activities

  1. Stories from
    1. See the Queen Dancing and Playing in Her Old Home Movies
    2. The Buzziest Looks of the Week, From the Gown We Loved to Some Questionable Pants
    3. Seventeen Siblings Share $20 Million Lottery Jackpot
    4. Alligator Escapes from Michigan Zoo, Apparently with Help from Tortoise Accomplice
    5. Hunger Games: Mockingjay New Trailer: See the First Reactions from Comic-Con

• get any grade less than an A

• not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama

• play any instrument other than the piano or violin

• not play the piano or violin.

  1. More in books
    1. Harlan Coben returns with ‘Six Years’
    2. ‘I Would Die 4 U’: How Prince became an icon
    3. ‘Until I Say Good-Bye’: Living for love in the face of ALS
    4. Letters from the life of George H.W. Bush
    5. Mom turns sleeping baby into fairy-tale star

I’m using the term “Chinese mother” loosely. I recently met a supersuccessful white guy from South Dakota (you’ve seen him on television), and after comparing notes we decided that his working-class father had definitely been a Chinese mother. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish, and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise.

Discuss on TODAY Moms: What do you think of the "Tiger Mother"?

I’m also using the term “Western parents” loosely. Western parents come in all varieties. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say that Westerners are far more diverse in their parenting styles than the Chinese. Some Western parents are strict; others are lax. There are same-sex parents, Orthodox Jewish parents, single parents, ex-hippie parents, investment banker parents, and military parents. None of these “Western” parents necessarily see eye to eye, so when I use the term “Western parents,” of course I’m not referring to all Western parents—just as “Chinese mother” doesn’t refer to all Chinese mothers.

  1. More from TODAY.com
    1. 6-year-old battling brain tumor gets thousands of birthday cards from strangers

      Think about what it feels like to open a birthday card from someone who cares about you. Now, multiply that by several tho...

    2. Watch this excited dog faint after being reunited with her owner (Don't worry, she's okay!)
    3. Double take! Doggie makeovers reveal shelter pets' true, happy selves
    4. One Republic: The weirdest things fans have given us
    5. A dozen ways to keep your car from being stolen

All the same, even when Western parents think they’re being strict, they usually don’t come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments thirty minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is the easy part. It’s hours two and three that get tough.

Related: Chinese or Western? Who wins the mommy war?

Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.” By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be “the best” students, that “academic achievement reflects successful parenting,” and that if children did not excel at school then there was “a problem” and parents “were not doing their job.” Other studies indicate that compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately ten times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.

This brings me to my final point. Some might think that the American sports parent is an analog to the Chinese mother. This is so wrong. Unlike your typical Western overscheduling soccer mom, the Chinese mother believes that (1) schoolwork always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your child ever disagrees with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold.

From the book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua. Copyright © 2011 by Amy Chua. Reprinted with permission of Penguin Press.

© 2012 MSNBC Interactive

Discuss:

Discussion comments

,

Most active discussions

  1. votes comments
  2. votes comments
  3. votes comments
  4. votes comments

More on TODAY.com

  1. Courtesy Of Danny's Warriors

    6-year-old battling brain tumor gets thousands of birthday cards from strangers

    7/25/2014 9:25:50 PM +00:00 2014-07-25T21:25:50
  1. Courtesy of GreaterGood.org

    Double take! Doggie makeovers reveal shelter pets' true, happy selves

    7/25/2014 9:00:03 PM +00:00 2014-07-25T21:00:03
  1. Israel offers 12-hour pause in Gaza offensive

    According to a U.S. official, Israel has offered to stop fighting for 12 hours in Gaza beginning Saturday morning. It was not immediately clear whether Hamas would also halt hostilities. 

    7/25/2014 7:23:00 PM +00:00 2014-07-25T19:23:00
  1. Wichita foster dad of baby who died in hot car 'wants to die'

    Police were questioning the two foster parents, and two other children were taken into protective custody.

    7/25/2014 9:07:25 PM +00:00 2014-07-25T21:07:25