3 ways to contain the ugly holiday shopper within

Failsafe tips to keeping your cool during the frenzied shopping season

By CANDICE CHOI

updated 11/24/2010 1:34:47 PM ET

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NEW YORK — The customer is always right. At least in his enraged mind.

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The frenzied holiday shopping season sometimes results in outbursts of ugly behavior we later regret. The potential triggers are everywhere: a sales clerk may seem to be intentionally difficult or dense; a store's return policy may be maddeningly complicated; or the crush of shoppers could have you ready to snap.

But even in such scenarios, is rudeness ever justified?

"If you're trying to be a part of the solution rather than becoming the problem, it makes the whole shopping experience a lot more pleasant," said Marshal Cohen, retail analyst for the market research firm NPD.

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More importantly, it's a more effective way to get what you want.

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In the spirit of good cheer and sanity, here are three ways to avoid getting ugly:

1. Don't assume you're being snubbed

There's nobody around to unlock the dressing room. You need help but all the clerks are preoccupied. A sales clerk finishes a phone call as you stand by ready to make your purchase.

Those are among customers' most cited pet peeves, according to Cohen. The common thread? Customers are left feeling ignored.

The anger often stems from the perception that it's an intentional snub. But it just may be that the clerk didn't realize you needed help.

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"Sometimes everyone's just busy or there's something else going on that you're not aware of," Cohen said.

If you're not getting what you need, don't be shy about requesting help. If the clerk is preoccupied, feel free to ask how much longer you should expect to wait or if it makes sense to come back later. But don't immediately get defensive and snap at sales associates.

You should find they're more than happy to help if you meet them halfway.

2. Understand the return policy

The necklace your husband gives you is too flashy but he didn't get a gift receipt. You already have the book your mother bought you. The shop says it doesn't exchange or take back sale items.

Return policies are another major source of turmoil between shoppers and retailers. The problem is that consumers often aren't aware of the policy.

That's even though the terms are usually printed right on the receipt or available on store websites.

"Despite a customer's absolute certainty that they were taken advantage of, there's often clear evidence that that wasn't the case," said Bob Manista, president of the Better Business Bureau in Oklahoma City.

Even if a policy isn't clearly disclosed or seems unfair, there's probably not much you can do unless the manager makes an exception for you. But don't get bent out of shape if a manager won't accommodate you.

Larger retailers usually have customer service lines that are designed to handle these type of concerns. If it's a mom-and-pop type small business, try contacting the owners directly.

The best way to avoid the predicament is to understand what your options are before you head to the store. Keep in mind that retailers usually have more lenient return policies for the holiday shopping season.

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3. Don't treat anyone like a stranger

The quest for parking puts you in a foul mood. You get inside the mall and it's hot and crowded. Everyone's grabbing for the items you want.

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It's no wonder shoppers push and shove and snap at each other.

"People come into the store, and they're part of a larger crowd. They don't stand out, so they feel they can do or say certain things without any ramifications," said Joseph LaRocca, a spokesman for the National Retail Federation. "A lot of this is due to the anonymity."

But treating fellow shoppers with as if they were co-workers or acquaintances will help ensure they accord you the same courtesy.

That's one reason why sales associates make eye contact and greet customers; it diffuses the potential that customers will act unreasonably if they don't get what they want.

You can tell yourself your enlightened attitude is in the spirit of good will. But the real benefit? The holidays will feel a lot more sane.

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Video: The best Black Friday deals revealed

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Transcript of: The best Black Friday deals revealed

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JOE WITTE, announcer: TODAY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE is brought to you by...

AL ROKER reporting: This morning on TODAY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE , what to buy on Black Friday . We've gathered three experts to tell you where you're going to find the best deals.

MATT LAUER, co-host: And first up, we're talking about electronics. Mario Armstrong is a digital lifestyle expert. Mario , welcome back. Good to see you.

Mr. MARIO ARMSTRONG: Hey, Matt. Thanks for having me back. Appreciate it.

LAUER: I want a big-screen TV .

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Who doesn't?

LAUER: What features do I want and where are the best bargains?

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Best bargains are an LCD and plasmas, you're looking at 40 inches under $300. Even 3D, though, will have specials. Fifty-five -inch you'll be looking at around $2,000. Budget for that extended warranty, though, when you make the purchase.

LAUER: All right. Let's talk about Blu-ray players. These are everywhere no. What features do you want in the player? And then talk to me about the price of the actual disks.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: OK. Under $100 now for some of these players. Advanced features like Internet , you can now get movies from Netflix and do things like online music with Pandora , so really cool features there. So you want Internet connection . And then the players are like butter without popcorn without the movies, so you got to have Blu-ray movies, and these movies will be about 70 percent off.

LAUER: Just this Friday?

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Just this Friday.

LAUER: That's great stuff.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Yeah, some amazing savings.

LAUER: Cameras are always popular, the little point-and-shoot cameras are popular. You say you can get some good deals on the more expensive cameras, too.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Yes. The digital SLR 's more expensive. When you buy those, you'll get a whole lot of accessories, you'll get a case, a tripod, a second lens and even a memory card.

LAUER: So bundle those, get the best deals.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Bundle those, yes, absolutely.

LAUER: Portable -- the little video cameras , these all shoot in HD now?

Mr. ARMSTRONG: They all shoot in HD , and some of them even have great features. One of my favorite features is while you're shooting video you can actually take a still image at the same time.

LAUER: So that's something to look for. Good bargains on these this year also?

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Good bargains on those. And they're easy for the grandparents all the way down to the little kids to use. Pop them in your purse or put them in your jeans pocket.

LAUER: All right. If you're looking for a computer, what's your advice on netbooks vs. laptops?

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Netbooks are good for light computing tasks, you know, just e-mail and Web browsing . If you're going to do something more than that, you want to look for a hefty laptop that can do more computing power, more processing power.

LAUER: You say you want to get as much memory and as much hard drive space...

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Hard drive space.

LAUER: ...as you can possibly afford.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: As you can possibly afford. Because it's an investment, it's a long-term investment.

LAUER: All right, Mario . Thank you so much .

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Hey, Matt , it's always a pleasure.

LAUER: We appreciate it.

Mr. ARMSTRONG: Happy Thanksgiving to you.

LAUER: And to you. Thank you very much . Let's go down to Al .

ROKER: All right. Well, Matt , you know, the season's hottest toys will be selling out fast Friday. Amy Goodman is from All You magazine. Amy , good to see you.

Ms. AMY GOODMAN: Hi .

ROKER: All right. So what's the hot toy -- the hot doll this year?

Ms. GOODMAN: Well, what Cabbage Patch was to the '80s...

ROKER: Mm-hmm.

Ms. GOODMAN: ... Lalaloopsy dolls are for right now. They are a collection of eight modernized rag dolls.

ROKER: Mm-hmm.

Ms. GOODMAN: And the one with the blue hair, Mitten Fluff 'n' Stuff , is the It doll of the moment. Girls absolutely go gaga for them. They have little pets. They're adorable.

ROKER: I saw this on "Ellen" last night, the Sing-A-Ma-Jigs ?

Ms. GOODMAN: Yes, the Sing-A-Ma-Jigs . They talk, they sing and they harmonize. They're absolutely adorable. Who doesn't like their own personal glee club?

ROKER: They're freaking me out.

ROKER: OK. Legos and Harry Potter .

Ms. GOODMAN: Yes. With the release of the new Harry Potters film, why not go Legos ? This is their brand-new board game , which they actually have to construct Hogwarts first to play the board game later, so that's really great.

Lego Games: Harry Potter Hogwarts $29.99 ages 8-14 Lego

ROKER: OK. Now boys and girls who like to get down and dirty, a dump truck.

Ms. GOODMAN: Yeah. This is from Matchbox , it's Stinky the dump truck. He sings, he plays, he laughs, he makes 80 different sounds and noises. It's like interactive play with toys.

ROKER: OK. The big -- the hot little toy is the Squinkie ?

Ms. GOODMAN: The Squinkies. They're teeny tiny little dolls that are squishy. They come in bubbles. This is the Squinkies bake shop. It's a coveted accessory; if you can find it, good luck. And kids absolutely adore it. It's a collector's item.

ROKER: OK. High-tech toys, the Air Hog Hawk Eye camera?

Ms. GOODMAN: Yes. This is actually a remote-control helicopter that takes five minutes of video, and of course Barbie video doll as well, which is taking about 30 minutes of video. Barbie goes high-tech.

ROKER: All right, Amy , thanks so much. OK.

Ms. GOODMAN: Thanks.

ROKER: Now let's head over -- we're back in 30 seconds with the hottest Black Friday deals when it comes to your home and fashion right after these messages.

WITTE: TODAY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE is brought to you by...

MEREDITH VIEIRA, co-host: Back at 8:12 with more of TODAY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE . We've covered toys and tech, now for the best deals for you and your home, Robyn Moreno is a lifestyle expert. Good morning to you, Robyn .

Ms. ROBYN MORENO: Good morning.

VIEIRA: Going to start with a big item that you found a great deal on...

Ms. MORENO: A great deal.

VIEIRA: ...this fridge.

Ms. MORENO: So Sears is offering this Kenmore Trio fridge for $ 1100 , it's usually 2400, so almost a 60 percent savings, it's huge. And it's also an Energy Star appliance, so it's going to save you on your electricity bill, so big savings.

VIEIRA: I mean, you -- we have a lot of other appliances now. Why is this such a good time of the year to get these things?

Ms. MORENO: You know, this is going to be like the lowest time of the year to actually buy appliances. So if you're in the market, it's time to invest.

VIEIRA: OK.

Ms. MORENO: But even from like......malls, so Target is -- people want to get people in the doors like at 4:00, they're having these door busters .

VIEIRA: Those early-hour sales, yeah.

Ms. MORENO: Those early hours where people are kind of clamoring. So Target 's offering these appliances for $3.

VIEIRA: OK. Moving on to sheets and pillowcases and all that, this is also a great time to pick up some good deals.

Ms. MORENO: It is. This is -- this is some of the biggest sales we'll see, usually like in January the linen sales, they're rivaling that this year. And also the selections are great. So, you know, Martha Stewart sheets are great, towels. And this is also a good time to buy because you're going to have holiday guests, so good to replenish for yourself.

VIEIRA: And how big are the savings here?

Ms. MORENO: Up to 70 percent off.

VIEIRA: Oh, my gosh.

Ms. MORENO: Amazing. Almost giving it away, seriously.

VIEIRA: And fashion-forward friends, look for sweaters from them, right? Cashmere is a good deal.

Ms. MORENO: You know, cashmere is always -- it's a great deal this year, up to 50 percent off. And it's just such a, you know, such a classic. So we see everything from like gloves for your teachers, some sort of glittery stuff for, you know, that hard-to-buy tween. Even babies, this little brand is called...

VIEIRA: Oh, my gosh.

Ms. MORENO: ...Bambino, 30 percent off. It's so cute, though.

VIEIRA: Yeah, but they make a mess, these kids, they're going to -- that's -- I don't know.

Ms. MORENO: Well, they'll look good when you clean up -- they'll clean up well.

VIEIRA: OK. And if you've got sporty friends, you got some deals there, too.

Ms. MORENO: So really great deals. So it's a good time, you know, want to

be like, you know, exercise during the holidays. So......is having their toning shoes about 30 percent off. And a brand that I really love called Om Girl for yoga clothes is having a 30 percent off sale as well so, you know, great time to get a kick-start on your New Year's resolution .

VIEIRA: So it does pay to go to the store by 4 AM , really?

Ms. MORENO: You know, it does. And we're seeing -- people are getting really competitive this year, retailers, because they really want those consumer dollars, so they're really getting you in the doors. Bigger savings than we've seen probably the last couple of years.

VIEIRA: OK. Robyn Moreno , thank you very much .

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