MEREDITH VIEIRA, co-host:
We are back at 8:08. It has been more than a year since
Elizabeth Edwards
released her memoir, "Resilience," where she opened up about here battle with breast cancer and her husband's affair. Now it is out in paperback and includes a powerful new
chapter
that delves into the end of her 32-year marriage, and that's where
Matt
began his exclusive conversation with her.
MATT LAUER reporting:
Elizabeth
, it's nice to
see you again
.
Ms. ELIZABETH EDWARDS:
It's nice to see you,
Matt.
LAUER:
There's a lot to digest in this new
chapter
, and I want to get to that in a second. But for some reason, whenever you're here, I always feel like I should start by saying how's your health? How are you feeling?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Actually, I'm feeling well, thanks for asking. I'm on a new chemotherapy, regime as I think I've explained in the past. Sometimes you'll do one -- take one medicine for a while and then you'll, as that quits being quite as effective, you'll switch and do something else. And my job is to let the medicine stay ahead of me.
LAUER:
You're in a peak at the moment, as opposed to a valley?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Absolutely.
LAUER:
Which is good. I'm happy to hear that. You've remained largely silent over the last year while literally and figuratively your marriage and, in some ways, your life has fallen apart.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Hm.
LAUER:
And when you set out to put out the paperback version of this book, you could have remained silent on the things you haven't spoken about; and yet, in this new
chapter
you tackle some of these things directly.
And I
'm curious about your
decision process
in that.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, the hardback version ended with my -- an intact family.
And I
guess you could have put out a paperback and said, `And here, the intact family,' but it wouldn't have been honest. And in order to make it honest, it was important that it -- that the next
chapter
, at least, be present.
And I
tried, you know, to not to have it go through, you know, every ache and pain through the process, but to give the view I have now from a little bit of distance about how both I've weathered it and my family has weathered it.
LAUER:
I've asked you and you've been gracious to agree to read a couple of passages from the book. And the first one I'd like to get to is where you
write
about the decision to actually end your marriage.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Hm.
LAUER:
Would you read that for me?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Sure. "I knew I could no longer be
John
's wife. It was a sad and terrifying decision. I'd been trying to reinvent the role of wife for the last two years, trying to find a place where I could be happy and still be
John
's wife despite his infidelity. Each day it seemed another piece of my history chipped away. There was little comfort or satisfaction. There was no peace. And at the very end of
2009
, I finally gave up trying."
LAUER:
You talk about each day a little piece of your history chipping away. Was it the drip, drip, drip, or was there a straw that broke the camel's back?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I think it was the drip, drip, drip. I mean, you know, was there -- you know, there's always some event that is the last thing to happen, but I don't think it was that. I think it was just that finally I realized that we'd just come so far down this road that there was -- I'm not -- I wasn't going to ever find a place where --
and I
hate to talk about myself in the third person, but where
Elizabeth
existed anymore. I was going to be entirely reactive, and I didn't -- I wanted to be present in the remainder of my life.
LAUER:
You
write
that this was an extremely scary decision to make, and yet there's been so much in your life healthwise that, I would imagine, that's been scary. What was it specifically about this that you found scary?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I've been married to
John
for nearly 33 years, been with him longer than that, and every time something monumental has happened in my life, and particularly the bad things, I've had him to lean on. And that was going to be the case. And so I was going to be on my own in a -- in a way that I maybe hadn't ever really been, and that was pretty terrifying particularly faced with a disease and young children and a fairly uncertain future.
LAUER:
You
write
in the book, and I -- by the way, the new
chapter
is beautifully written, I have to say.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Thank you.
LAUER:
And you
write
in the book about this new
chapter
. You're in this new
chapter
-- not of the book...
Ms. EDWARDS:
Right.
LAUER:
...but of your life. And yet, as you
write
about that you say, "But what am I supposed to do with the last
chapter
?" That you were forced to question everything about your past in making this move to the future.
Ms. EDWARDS:
It's -- I have to say, with each step in our lives, we integrate the last things we've learned and everything. And then -- and then I have this piece that doesn't fit.
LAUER:
What questions have you been forced to ask yourself about the last two, three, four, five, 10 years of your marriage?
Ms. EDWARDS:
You know, did I waste my time in these -- in these years? Have I thrown this part of my life away?
And I
decided that I didn't. That maybe I didn't get the same things out of it I expected to or that I
thought
I was at the time, but when I look back there's really lots of blessings that I had. I've had the opportunity, you know, to have these great children. I've had wonderful friends. I've had experiences that, you know, really couldn't be replaced and opportunities to talk about
things that matter
to me.
LAUER:
When the -- when the story of
John
's affair first came to light, you were told by
John
, and correct me if I'm wrong, that this was basically a one-night stand.
Ms. EDWARDS:
It was.
And I
thought
that throughout the campaign. I
thought
that for much longer than most people would have
thought
reasonable, but I -- that's -- I believed it.
LAUER:
How did you learn what we all know now, that this was much more of a relationship and, in fact, there was a child that resulted in this relationship?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, I learned that it was a longer relationship in
2006
, some time after the campaign, probably in the summer that -- after
John
dropped out in
2008
.
LAUER:
Did someone call you? Did he finally come to you?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Oh no, you know, gradually things -- this thing doesn't make sense and this thing doesn't make sense. And he was, you know, slightly more honest. Of course, he also, you know, spoke publicly about it and admitted to more than he had previously told me. He told me slightly -- hours before he said that. But...
LAUER:
Did you hit the roof? I mean, on that revelation? Because here you're let in on part of the truth.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Right.
LAUER:
And then you find out there's much more to the truth.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, I mean, the fact that I had a lot of -- that I was starting to have more and more doubts meant that it didn't come as an avalanche the way the first -- the way the first revelation came to me. So -- but, you know, in all of this, in each of these things that happened, you know, what you -- what I tried to do and now tried to do again is sort of study myself, find myself.
LAUER:
When I watched
Rielle Hunter
on
Oprah Winfrey
, you know what I kept thinking?
Ms. EDWARDS:
What's that?
LAUER:
`I wonder if
Elizabeth
is watching this.'
Ms. EDWARDS:
I actually watched it later. I didn't watch it then, and I --
and I
didn't watch the whole thing, but I did watch some of it. I mean, it's impossible not to -- I'm -- first of all...
LAUER:
Curiosity alone.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Curiosity, and also, you know, I know I'm going to get asked questions about it. And at first I didn't watch it, and I
thought
, `Well, that's silly.'
LAUER:
What'd you think?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I still think this person is so completely unlike me that it's hard to imagine the same person could marry me and be attracted to that -- to that woman as well.
LAUER:
In the last year, a couple of books have been written,
Elizabeth
, that were not kind to you at all.
Andrew Young
wrote a book,
John
's longtime aide. There's another book called, "
Game Change
."
Ms. EDWARDS:
Yeah.
LAUER:
And in it, although they talk about a lot of things, they describe you in some ways as intrusive and manipulative, and I'm curious at your reaction when you first heard those descriptions.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, I mean, it was -- it was --
it's hard
, of course, to hear any kind of criticism. I wasn't particularly worried about anything
Andrew Young
said. His -- I don't mind saying that his book is just -- it's not that he didn't have a good story to tell, he did. But it's so filled with lies that it's -- that it's -- that I don't consider it having any bearing whatsoever on the truth, particularly with respect to me. "Game Change" was harder because there were sources, although I think I know who most of the people are who just because I experienced some of same events, and it was actually useful to have somebody say, `You were perceived as much harsher than you
thought
you were.' That's a useful piece of information.
LAUER:
Why? Because now you can change the way you behave around people?
Ms. EDWARDS:
No. No. Now I can -- I can -- it was -- I
thought
of the people who worked on the campaign not as people who worked for
John
or worked for me, I
thought
of people with whom I worked, I
thought
of us as equals. So if I would argue about a policy or about a decision I
thought
was wrong, then I
thought
I was arguing as an equal. Clearly, they didn't have that perception. They
thought
I was the boss' wife or whatever. I didn't take that into consideration, and I really needed to.
LAUER:
You
write
in the book about it. You say, quote, "I never was
St. Elizabeth
, I never pretended to be. I was never a monster, I certainly don't want to be. I was simply a person increasingly fragile who became more and more afraid of what tomorrow would tell me about my health, about my family, about my life. I was never as good or bad as the shifting image portrayed."
Ms. EDWARDS:
Hm.
LAUER:
And yet you also
write
you care deeply about what people think.
Ms. EDWARDS:
I do care deeply. I mean, I wish -- I wish I could say it didn't matter to me but it does matter to me what people think --
think of me
. So, you know, one of the things that -- one of the reasons also to
write
the additional
chapter
was to say, you know, `I didn't pretend -- I never pretended to be perfect.' I laughed about that image. I couldn't do anything about it, but I laughed about it with people in the campaign, but I sure didn't -- I hope didn't to be a monster in any way.
LAUER:
It struck me in the book when you wrote, "Is it too much to want your obituary when written to be about your own life not the lives of the worst people who came into your life?"
Ms. EDWARDS:
Right.
LAUER:
"About the lies they told for their own purposes." When you consider that
John
-- they didn't just come into your life,
John
, in many cases, let them into your life.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Yeah.
LAUER:
How do you -- how do you not sit here incredibly bitter about that?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, any person who has been through -- any family who's been through a separation or a divorce knows that there's lots and lots of dynamics that you have to take care of.
And I
have three living children, for whom this is the father that I want them to -- whom I want them to love and on whom they're going to have to rely, perhaps, you know, if my disease takes a bad turn. It's really important to me that they see him in a positive light.
LAUER:
Yeah, I remember the last time you and I sat down, you said to me something that caught my attention. You said, "Despite this big, horrible thing that happened, I still look back and think I married a marvelous man."
Ms. EDWARDS:
Right.
LAUER:
And that was before you knew the whole truth. Do you still feel that way?
Ms. EDWARDS:
Well, I think -- I think I did marry a marvelous man. I think that he changed
over time
, and it could not be more clear to me then. You know, I think I -- it was hard for me to see it or admit it for a very long time. But he changed. Maybe we all change
over time
. And he's no longer the person that I -- whom -- who I married. I still admire an enormous number of things about him. The things he cares about are the things I think are important.
LAUER:
Is he good at co-parenting now? Are you handling that well?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I think it's going pretty well. You know, we're -- he was an assistant coach of an all-star softball team, and I'd go to the games and cheer. And then he comes and asks me some question about substituting, you know, so we're still working, you know, pretty evenly with respect to the children.
LAUER:
You
write
in the book that you would love eight more years.
Ms. EDWARDS:
I would.
LAUER:
That you would like to be there for
Emma Claire
and
Jack
in the same way you were there for
Wade
when he was alive and
Cate
when she was at that age.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Yes.
LAUER:
What are your biggest fears about the potential of not being there?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I just -- I don't let my head go to that place. I think that you really have to -- you know, you just -- you have to keep what you want in view always and `what I want is this.' And if I start thinking about, `Well, what if it's not,' then I maybe make the wrong -- I hope I would make the right decision, but I'm not positive I would. I think I -- there might be a panic as you think you're getting close to the end.
I want to live
with -- in a normal cadence with my children.
LAUER:
And you end the book this way. Quote, "In the end there is peace. If we are strong, if we are resilient, if we are stubborn and filled with hope, if we know how to love, there is peace before that, too, and honestly, that is enough." So at this moment, have you found some portion of peace in your life?
Ms. EDWARDS:
I have. I mean, I really feel that I have. I do still need -- feel like I need to break free of the media-imposed image. I'm not just a cuckolded wife. You know, I think about, because it's been in -- so many stories have been in the news recently, the -- but I think about
Sandra Bullock
, who I don't know at all. I mean, what an incredible year she's had. She won the
Academy Award
for an incredible performance. And more than that, she took that story and integrated it her -- into her own life in this healthy, happy way. And yet, the stories you hear are not about all of those great successes, but about this -- the failure of her marriage.
And I
thought
, that's not who she is. And in a sense, I know she -- I don't know her, but I assume she wants to reclaim who she is in the same way I want to reclaim who I am. I hope the next time I'm on television it's to talk about some policy I really care about.
LAUER:
Health care
or something like that.
Ms. EDWARDS:
That's right
. Something I truly care about and not about this part of my life, which -- on which I'm hoping maybe partly with this
chapter
to close the door.
LAUER:
As I said, the
chapter
is poignant, but it's beautifully written.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Thank you,
Matt.
LAUER:
It really is.
Elizabeth
, it's always nice to see you.
Ms. EDWARDS:
Thanks.
VIEIRA:
I so respect her candor given what she's gone through and the difficult road that lies ahead for her.
NATALIE MORALES, anchor:
Oh, my gosh.
AL ROKER reporting:
And everything you hear, it's almost reflected through this prism of her mortality.
VIEIRA:
Right.
MORALES:
Mm-hmm.
ROKER:
And that's makes it even more poignant.
MORALES:
It's important, though, she's redefining her life again on her own terms.
VIEIRA:
Exactly.
MORALES:
And you can tell that she's emerged so much stronger from all this.
VIEIRA:
Yeah.
WILLIE GEIST, co-host:
Matt
touched on it. There were implications, even suggestions that she was so overbearing that somehow she drove
John Edwards
to do this. Interesting to hear her touch on that.
VIEIRA:
Yeah.
MORALES:
Mm-hmm.
VIEIRA:
She's found -- she's obviously finding her voice again.
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