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Video: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s battle with ‘Cupid’

  1. Closed captioning of: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s battle with ‘Cupid’

    >>> do. *

    >>> at the ripe old age of 31, jennifer love hewitt is a busy actress, producer and director. she's also been lucky, and unlucky, in love. now she's sharing what she's learned about the dating world in a new book "the day i shot cupid. hello, my name is jennifer love hewitt and i'm a love aaholic." first things first, why did you shoot cupid? he's cute. was that necessary?

    >> i found out some information about cupid. i always thought cupid was this really cute little guy that wanted people to fall in love. then i googled cupid and i found out he was a sort of miserable guy who had his heart broken and he was shooting poisonous arrows out of people so they would fall out of love . that's why i shot him.

    >> you don't want him to have anything do with your love life .

    >> no, i don't.

    >> you talk about the term "serial dater." how did you get stuck with that tightle?

    >> i don't even know what it means. i feel like maybe i kill men after i date them? i'm not sure.

    >> or you eat them.

    >> exactly. like kellogg's, like, "ooh, boyfriend." but i think it's better than i am in relationship than i am going out with one guy on a monday, another on a wednesday, another on a saturday. it feels weird to me so i just spent time with people and have boyfriends versus dates.

    >> you don't like to date ultimately.

    >> i don't. no. huh-uh.

    >> you just wrote a whole book on dating.

    >> trying to make it easier. i don't think anyone truly enjoys dating.

    >> you say dating's taught me who i want and don't want, hey want to be. i look automatt you, beautiful, talented, funny. how come you haven't found mr. right?

    >> i think it's timing. it's figuring out who you are. i think it takes a lot of frogs to sort of find your prince. i think there is a reason that you sort of date. i think that every relationship you're in teaches you something different about yourself and i don't know, i feel like at 31 there's still so much more i need to know about myself before i can completely give like the perfect version of me to somebody and visa versa. i just think it's --

    >> will there ever be a perfect version?

    >> i'm hoping. i'm going to try. i'm going to get as close as possible.

    >> you also say women need to decide who they want to be in the relationship. do you want to be the woman, do you want to be the boss or do you want to be the equal.

    >> yes.

    >> what do you mean and which one do you want to be?

    >> in sort of looking at dating, men and women and where we are and everything, i kind of discovered maybe men have a point when they say we're incredibly complicated and they're not sure what we want. i think it is because women want to be really powerful but they also want to be the girl and that doesn't always mix well. you can't say sort of i want to wear the pants, but now buy me dinner and open the car door . it doesn't work that way. women have to sort of better figure out who they want to be in a relationship, sort of stick with that consistently and maybe the guy will figure out better how to deal with them.

    >> you just recently broke up with jamie kennedy , your co-star on "ghost whisperer." but you're still working with him. isn't that hard to do?

    >> no, it's okay. i think maybe earlier in my life that would have been a harder thing to do, but with age comes growing up and it's been okay. it's been fine.

    >> he even -- part of this book is from his perspective. he talks about -- i don't know how to put this delicately, big butts and his appreciation for them. why did you feel that was necessary to stick that in there, so to speak?

    >> who doesn't want to talk about big butts? yeah. he wrote what i like to call the "badonkadonk chapter." in what men really look for in the back side of a girl. it was just a fun chapter, i thought it was important for women to know from a guy's perspective what they really think about us. it is a very funny chapter.

    >> so women don't feel so bad about their bodies. he said he doesn't want a stick by any means. speaking of butts, let's talk about that picture.

    >> let's talk about mine.

    >> we can talk about yours. in that picture a few years ago that was not flattering. the press just had a heyday with that. it was very hurtful. you wrote, "i finally came to the conclusion it would be a small though painful moment in my long exist tense. i would leave it in the past and move on." by the way, you joke, the whole situation made me hungry. what did you learn from that experience, jennifer ?

    >> for me, the hardest part -- first of all, i never had body image issues. i really feel like it was other people who had issued with my body. because i was happy that day, having a good time. didn't really ever think about it until the pictures sort of showed up, i was like, oh, maybe i could get in the gym possibly. that was fine. part that really bothered me was that young girls were sitting out there thinking i was the version of what wasn't acceptable in society and i just felt like that was a wrong message and i didn't want to be associated with sending such an awful viewpoint to young girls that might look up to me or other actresses like that and have them think that there was something wrong with them. it was sort of the hardest part for me. but you know, it was fine. and people came out in support and that part was really lovely. it was like i said, just a moment and i sort of moved on from it.

    >> in the book you mention 25 things that even the press doesn't know about you. including your love for office supply equipment. what is that? i don't understand that. it makes you hot and heavy ? we have some right here.

    >> and a margarita. is that because i talked about my butt we have to have a margarita? oh, office supplies .

    >> you got eight seconds.

    >> i think staples is a very sexy place to go. how's that?

    >> good enough. jennifer love hewitt , "the day i shot cupid." sexy staples. who knew?

TODAY books
updated 3/22/2010 4:58:46 PM ET 2010-03-22T20:58:46

What's it like trying to navigate love in Hollywood? In her new memoir, “The Day I Shot Cupid,” TV star Jennifer Love Hewitt — who once dated John Mayer and Jamie Kennedy — shares her candid experiences and advice on modern romance. “The Ghost Whisperer” actress explores everything from the dos and don’ts of text flirting to how to mend a broken heart. An excerpt:

Okay, so why did I, an actress in her thirties, decide to write a book on dating? Well, leave it to Cabo Wabo! I had a massive broken heart, so I hopped on the plane with my mom, aunt, and a bunch of friends. We found ourselves at this beautiful home overlooking the ocean and like most meetings of the female brain, talking about men. I was so intrigued, the age groups, types of women, lifestyles were all so different, but the message was the same. Dating is hilarious and awkward as hell. Relationships are difficult, beautiful, and confusing. And love is somehow worth it all. It was like pen and paper had to be used at that moment, so I took all the things we were talking about and started writing. Of course, I added my own funny comments to them, because if you can’t laugh you won’t make it.

At dinner that night I presented my romance thought pages on the table, hoping to ease any past pain, laugh about the hours of life lost on bad dates, and show that we are all the same. They loved it (the tequila helped)! As I wrote them, healing began for me as well.

At the end of our great trip, I went home with a new thought. What if this is why I went through all my dating crap? Maybe I’m supposed to be the kindred spirit of millions of women out there who are just like me. And there it was, the new relationship that I would begin would be with me, my past, my present, my laughter, my pain, and most important, all of you.

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This, for me, is the perfect place to start. Although I was actually born on February 21, there was a chance that I would come a week earlier, on February 14. That’s right, Valentine’s Day. I refused to believe until I was ten or eleven years old that Valentine’s Day was not actually created for me. Why? Because my name is Love! My mom named me Love and almost gave birth to me on Valentine’s Day. Hello? I was born to be a hopeless romantic. It’s worked well for me so far, or so I thought. And that brings us to now. This is the most eye-opening and slightly depressing part of the book, so let’s get it over with. What I am about to tell you will include shocking details, lies, and murder. Continue to read at your own risk.

Slideshow: Celebrity breakups

Okay, here it goes. On a cold day, with a little rain falling on the windows (who am I, Agatha Christie?), in the most gorgeous light of the afternoon, I sat at my computer, wondering what I could say today that would have some real value to those of you kind enough to read this book. I decided to turn to my faithful friend Cupid for some help. You know, Cupid (said with little kid voice) — cute little guy, kind of like a baby and a man all in one. The little man in a diaper who finds us true love, shoots our dream man with an arrow, bring him to us, plays the violin, and helps us live happily ever after. That Cupid. (Back to my own voice.) What I found next would forever change me. What the hell to my Googling Cupid eyes should appear, but the TRUTH!

Cupid was actually a scorned lover. A person so hurt that he made poison arrows to shoot at people that would hopefully destroy their chance for love, because misery loves the company of a tiny man in diapers. He was an evil little s**t, not a cute baby with magic arrows waiting to point at our perfect companion and bring up love’s every happiness. Lock your doors. Cupid is not a good guy! Suddenly my love life flashed before my eyes: all the Valentine’s Days, the arrows I shot in my mind toward the dream guy in front of me, the hours I spent thinking Cupid would make it better. And for what? He was just as depressed and hurt as I was. And P.S. — he didn’t want to use his powers for good. It begs the thought — we saw a little man in a diaper shooting arrows and thought that meant true love?

After an hour of seriously doubting my stock in Hallmark, I knew exactly what I had to do. I HAD TO SHOOT CUPID! I had to believe in my mind that there could be romance without him. Maybe not the kind with symphonies and floating hearts (although that kind stabbed me in the back more than a few times), but something I could create with another person that could be all our own. Romantic comedies are there to give us dreams and butterflies, but what we can create in our own lives could be not only better but real.

Slideshow: The heights of love

So I did it! I SHOT HIM! This would always be ... THE DAY I SHOT CUPID. I let my mind kill all its previous romantic ideas and believe what would come next would be greater.

As I write this, I am only two weeks into this “transformation.” I’m not gonna lie, I have had a few “everything is changing” panic attacks, but I also feel like I’m on the brink of real growth. I ask myself now what romance really is to me. What a man needs to do and what I would want to do for him. I am learning, and not depressed by the way, how to create my own fireworks and rapid heartbeat. I’m suddenly not as let down by everyday romantic screwups because the only thing to live up to is organic, from within, not a list of dos and don’ts given to me by romantic icons who aren’t real.

At first glance you may be thinking ... Jaded? Bitter? Hurt too much? But let’s change those thoughts to something more productive, like Strong, Realistic, and Grown-Up. Let’s never again rely on someone or some myth to bring us happiness or love. Let’s try it ourselves. Let’s make our own paths and believe that what the universe has for us is perfect. Let’s go out and find the love we always wanted but this time with our feet planted on the ground, our inner sparkle as the arrows, and the belief that love does happen for all of us. By the way, if you see a man in diapers, keep walking!

From “The Day I Shot Cupid” by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Copyright © 2010 Love Songs, Inc. Published by Voice. All Rights Reserved.

© 2012 MSNBC Interactive


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