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Video: Decoding ‘flirtexting’

  1. Closed captioning of: Decoding ‘flirtexting’

    >>> chow.

    >>> if i say f2f or lol?

    >> face to face and laugh out loud .

    >> they told you. all part of a new vocabulary called flirt texting .

    >> unsuspected tourists -- are there any other kind -- as they practice this language of love.

    >> what is flirt texting ?

    >> you know, that's a good question.

    >> a way of writing someone and you don't have to -- it's not person to person thing.

    >> it's more like the preview to sex thing maybe.

    >> koufr flirt via text?

    >> 30 years ago i might have, be if they had texting then.

    >> how do you flirtext?

    >> how you're flirting and talking.

    >> hey, sexy, what are you doing today?

    >> i always put love you and i'll do maybe more exclamation point.

    >> use the same lines in flirtexting?

    >> no, it depends on the kind of person.

    >> if it's someone you want to have a relationship with or is it --

    >> i don't know. it's you flirtexting.

    >> i'm going to ask you a couple of words and you tell me what they mean in flirtexting language.

    >> okay.

    >> loml.

    >> laughing out -- i don't know that one.

    >> love of my life . noyb.

    >> none of your business.

    >> wwwklg what would hathy lee and hoda do?

    >> how do text your way into his heart, welcome, ladies.

    >> so young and adorable.

    >> so thin, so thrilled you're here.

    >> oh, stop.

    >> so, there really is a language here to lure guys in, is that part of it?

    >> it definitely is. flirtexting is flirting over text message and becomes the first step in dating.

    >> is there a danger fo it, like sexting?

    >> they tend to overabuse flirtexting where they hide behind that technology. it's important to know it's a supplement to dating today.

    >> sometimes it's hard. you can't set tone and texting . you think you're being flirty and funny and they think you're being sleazy and trampy. you're not 100% sure how that's going to come across. don't look at me.

    >> texting and flirtexting is supposed to be flirty. never engage in emotions. keep it light.

    >> why not pick up the phone ? your generation is all about texting . don't you like a guy to ask you out and call you as opposed to text iing you?

    >> definitely. we say this is traditional dating in digital times. it's important to know that, again, this is all part of one big dating scene. you're going to use the phone conversations, but, you know what? we lead fast-paced lives now.

    >> what should you assume about a guy that always texts and never calls?

    >> yes.

    >> red flag .

    >> that's a red flag definitely. be aware of if a guy is always texting you and not calling and there are fun, flirty ways to get him to call you.

    >> tell us how.

    >> a cute way to do that in a nonconfrontational way is to send a text that says something like unlike at&t, i don't offer unlimited text messaging . give me a call.

    >> show some personality.

    >> that's cute.

    >> right.

    >> what if a guy e-mails you a single word like "hey" that does happen.

    >> no, that does happen.

    >> what do you do? just "hey" back?

    >> hey what is what i would say.

    >> exactly. you want to be straight to the point with him and just have him tell you what he's asking you. hey, you, what's going on? and let him like tell you what it is that he wants.

    >> what if he doesn't spell very well, is that a problem?

    >> that's a buzz kill.

    >> really, isn't it?

    >> yeah. it's attractive for both men and women that you're articulate over your text messages . don't feel like you need to abbreviate. spell everything out.

    >> you don't like -- we were asking you about the lom -- whatever. you don't like that stuff, all those abbreviations?

    >> we're not big fans. you have 160 characters to put out a message that get you what you want. if the space allows it, don't abbreviate if you don't have to.

    >> comes off a little valley girlish.

    >> it really does.

    >> don't go on and on. some people write such long e-mails and texts, don't they?

    >> it's unnecessary.

    >> nobody wants all those word.

    >> seems like you don't have a life.

    >> an electronic post-it note, get your message across.

    >> otherwise pick up the phone .

    >> exactly.

    >> congratulations on your first book, ladies. good for you. good luck with it.

TODAY books
updated 3/11/2010 11:45:14 AM ET 2010-03-11T16:45:14

Did you know that what and when you text back will determine where your relationship will go? The book “Flirtexting” artfully navigates the acts of flirting and dating in tech-savvy times. This how-to handbook will coach you on the subtle art of sending short and sweet texts, with slight innuendos, to have your crush cruising for more. In this excerpt, authors Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz write about why sexting while in a relationship can make you fall in love all over again.

If you are reading this chapter it means that you have successfully passed through the early stages of flirtexting and into a fabulous committed relationship. A congrats is in order! Now, just because you have entered into the land of “we” does not mean that you can call up your cell phone provider and cancel your unlimited texting plan. Flirtexting is still fantastically important in an existing relationship — only now you’re able to take it one step further.

In a relationship, the fact that you both care deeply about each other is out in the open and felt equally by both parties. This commitment allows you the luxury to relax a bit more when sending texts.

You don’t have to spend as much time on your BPTs (best possible texts) and you can go ahead and throw texting timelines out the window! Whew. Flirtexting in a relationship opens the door for you to explore the other, shall we say, more risqué things you can do with text. With that, feel free to text things that only prove how into him you are by going beyond the flirtext.

“I like texting because you can turn a girl on via text while you are on your way to her house, telling her just how you want her upon your arrival.” — Evan

When you’ve been with the same person for a while, what better way to spice up your relationship than with a fiery flirtext? One that will arouse more than just his senses (wink, wink). Yes that’s right. We’re talking about the sext-text, or sexting, and it’s a long-term dating DO! It’s sex over text, and it’s HOT!

Video: Finding ‘Love in 90 Days’ Sexting: Descriptive sexual conversations through text with the intention of arousing the person on the receiving end.

When the mood strikes, you can reveal fantasies and sexy thoughts to him while he is out of town, at work, or even across the dinner table. There’s always time for a fantasy text!


  • While the two of you are at dinner with friends, text him that if he casually uses the word “wet” (or any funny/sexual word) in conversation at least six times before dessert comes, then you’ll do that thing he loves later.
  • When you’re at dinner and he gets up to use the restroom, text him “did I mention I’m not wearing any underwear?” (even if you are). He’ll be asking for the check before you order your main course.
  • If he’s on a business trip and you miss him, text “I’m all alone in this big bed of mine. What should I do?” Believe me, he’ll gladly take it from there!
  • If your man plays sports and you are at this game, text “Score now and I’ll let you score with me later ;)” or “Win or lose, you’re scoring with me tonight ;).” If he checks his phone during halftime, watch as he runs faster, hits harder, and throws further during the second half. If he doesn’t get the message till after, he’ll still appreciate the flattering gesture, win or lose.
  • If he asks you “Want to go to a baseball game?” respond with “Sure, but only if we can go to third base ;” OR if he says, “Basketball game tonight?” you say “Are you insinuating foul play? Love to.”

Long-distance relationships
Sexting is especially beneficial in long-distance relationships. The need for sexting heightens when you’re not around one another. It’s an excellent way to remain close, especially if there’s a time difference. If you are getting ready for bed on the East Coast and he is finishing up a meeting on the West Coast, he is still able to connect with you in your time of need. Sure, it’s not the real deal, but hey, it beats nothing at all! (Um, did we mention this is a great form of safe sex?) Texting helps make long distance more bearable by having the ability to be in constant contact.

Virgin to sexting?
Not to worry. It doesn’t hurt. Talk about that thing he did to you last night that you loved. Text what you want to do to him when you see him next or what you are dying for him to do to you. Talk about how your salad came with a really big cucumber and you thought of him. Be bold, be blunt, and be bad. Be a little selfish when you dirty text and say things that will turn you on in the meantime. Chances are if it turns you on, it’ll turn him on twice over. The best cities to find love (and hot men)

Shy by nature
This is a great way for those of you on the shyer side to let your man know what you like sexually. If you are too embarrassed to tell him in person, use text and the casual and safe environment that it provides to tell him your fantasies. You’ll be surprised how much you will benefit from being open about your likes and dislikes through sexting.

Not into sexting?
Flirtexting with your man doesn’t always have to be dirty. Texts like suggesting pizza and football for a Monday night date or randomly sending “I love you” go a long way too. Long-term relationships can get mundane so you’ve constantly got to be doing little things to keep the sparks alive and the butterflies flying! Sending a random, thoughtful flirtext is a great way to show him how much you care.

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Randomly text, “I love you” or “I’m crazy about you.” It’s simple, it’s quick, and it will make him smile.

Send a recent sports fact about his favorite player like, “Ole Chipper just hit his 400th home run last night, eh?”

If he’s having a rough day at the office, suggest a date night including his favorite things and tell him about it to get him through the five o’ clock whistle. “Agenda for the evening: you, me, your favorite Philly cheesesteak, a Heineken, and the Red Sox–Yankee Game. See you at 6.”

With technology these days, the sexting possibilities are endless. Imagine what you can do if your cell phone had a camera on it. Oh, but wait ... it does.

Photo text
Ah, the infamous photo text. Now that most cell phones have cameras in them, sexting has been taken to a whole new level. All those scandalous things you’re texting your man can now include illustrations and pictures. WOW! The only thing better than sexting is a sex text that includes a classy, yet sexy photo starring yours truly!

Men happen to be visual creatures. Therefore, we understand the enthusiasm that guys are overcome with when it comes to the camera phone. We’re keen on taking a little off for his entertainment pleasure, but he’s going to have to be involved to see the real deal.

Slideshow: The heights of love Whenever you are taking a racy photo text of yourself, proceed with caution. Never include your face in the photo. Even though you are in love now, what happens if something goes terribly wrong and you have a nasty breakup later? You guessed it! Hello Facebook photo tagged of you and your large breasts! May we remind you that you’re also friends with your boss? Proceed with caution.

Here are a few classy ways of using the photo text to spice up an existing relationship:

  • Take a picture of you sticking your head out of the shower, showing some sexy shoulder or your smooth leg, and write “can you get me a towel?” or “bath time would be soo much more fun with you ....”
  • Take a picture of your bed — or better yet, you in it — and write “room for two” or “Can you meet me here later?”
  • If you bought some new lingerie and are planning on wearing it that night, take a picture of the lingerie still in the Victoria’s Secret bag and write “I bought you a present ... if you’re a good boy, I’ll give it to you later.” He’ll be so excited he’s sure to be on his best behavior.
  • If he tells you to take a photo of yourself and you don’t want to, take a picture of your shoulder and write, “guess what part of my sweet body this is from?”
  • Send a snapshot of your lips, with a message that reads “they miss you.”
  • If he’s begging for you to take a sexy picture of yourself to send him, take a picture of your friend’s cleavage and write, “Not mine, but I’m still thinking of you ;)”
  • If you’re on a beach vacay and missing your man, snap a pic of you in your hot bikini and write, “wish you were here” in the sand.

Warning about using the photo text
If you are NOT in a serious relationship with a guy and you text him dirty photos of yourself, he will forward them to his friends. We can’t stress enough how you must proceed with caution when sending racy photos of yourself. So be smart, ladies, and trust us on this one.

Boys can be pigs sometimes. The last thing they are thinking about when they receive a hot photo of a new girl they are dating are her feelings. We’ve seen too many of our girlfriends get hurt because they sent nude pictures of themselves to guys they were “just dating” to find out they’ve become the screensaver on his friends’ phones. This is why we only advocate sending these kinds of texts when you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, expect what you send to him to be forwarded to his entire soccer team.

Guys can lose their heads, and their phones sometimes, and we don’t want to see your boobs on the Internet.

Excerpted from "Flirtexting" by Debra Goldstein and Olivia Baniuszewicz. Copyright (c) 2010. Reprinted with permission from Skyhorse Publishing.

© 2012 MSNBC Interactive


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