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Photos: Red carpet

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  1. Kate Winslet

    The actress stuns on the Oscar red carpet, as she does every year, as she arrives for the 82nd Academy Awards in Hollywood on Sunday, March 7.

    "Posed to perfection (with perfect hair), Kate Winslet looks regal in Yves Saint Laurent," said TODAY style editor Bobbie Thomas. (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  2. Gerard Butler

    The 'Bounty Hunter' star "proves that guys can't go wrong with a classic bow tie and nicely tailored tux," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  3. Kristen Stewart

    The "Twilight" star "stuck with her edgy signature style in a magnificent Monique Lhuillier frock," said Thomas. (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  4. Taylor Lautner

    The "Twilight" hunk "could have benefited from a quick trip to the tailor!" said Thomas. "Pants that are too long are a red carpet no-no." (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  5. Robert Downey Jr.

    The actor accessorizes with comfy sneakers, a blue bow tie and his wife, Susan Downey.

    "Red-carpet risk taker Robert Downey Jr. makes a statement that will definitely be remembered," said Thomas. "A+ for personality." (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  6. Sandra Bullock

    The best actress winner for "The Blind Side" "looks statuesque with flawless hair and makeup in Marchesa," said Thomas. (Mario Anzuoni / Reuters) Back to slideshow navigation
  7. Penelope Cruz

    The "Nine" star and nominee for actress in a starring role gets matchy-matchy with the carpet.

    "So excited to see Penelope Cruz break out of her black rut and step out in some color!" said Thomas. "This Donna Karan couture gown looked incredible on the star." (Frazer Harrison / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  8. Charlize Theron

    The Oscar presenter draws attention to her assets on the red carpet.

    "So sorry to say this about one of my favorites, Charlize Theron, but this is a mess of a dress," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  9. George Clooney

    "Up in the Air" star George Clooney accessorizes on the red carpet with girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis. "He's dapper and dashing as always," said Thomas. (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  10. Miley Cyrus

    The teen singing sensation shows off a grown-up look. "She had a winning moment on the red carpet in her her Jenny Packman gown," said Thomas. (Mario Anzuoni / Reuters) Back to slideshow navigation
  11. Tina Fey

    "Tina Fey was spot-on in this Michael Kors dress, but more classic hair would have better complemented the neckline," said Thomas. (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  12. Rachel McAdams

    The actress looks like a Monet painting in a floral print Elie Saab Haute Couture gown. "I loved this look," said Thomas. "Rachel McAdams showed off the flowy frock with a fresh face and pulled-back hairstyle." (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  13. Mo'Nique

    Mo'Nique, who won a trophy for her role as an abusive mother in "Precious," probably isn't feeling as blue as her gown.

    "Bright and bold: Mo'Nique found a complementary color with this cobalt blue Tadashi Shoji gown," said Thomas. "This was her best look of the season!" (Robyn Beck / AFP - Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  14. Jennifer Lopez

    J.Lo wows again on the red carpet with a serious body-hugging gown. "She showed off all of her curves -- and added on some new ones too -- in this Armani Prive silk organza gown," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  15. Molly Ringwald

    The actress "looked pretty in purple. The hue flatters her coloring, while the slinky silhouette was chic," said Thomas. (Frazer Harrison / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  16. Sarah Jessica Parker

    The "Sex and the City" star "in Chanel Haute Couture did not disappoint her fashion following with her very editorial look," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  17. Gabourey Sidibe

    The "Precious" star was nominated for her first Oscar with her first acting job, the starring role as an abused and illiterate teen. (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  18. Meryl Streep

    The "Julie & Julia" star and Oscar nominee stuns in white on the red carpet.

    "Meryl Streep, a personal favorite, was smoking hot in this Chris March dress," said Thomas. "I did a little dance of joy when I first saw her!" (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  19. Mariah Carey

    The singer and actress wasn't nominated for an award, but the film in which she stars, "Precious," was.

    "Unfortunately for Mariah Carey, less is not more. It would be refreshing to see this star in something more sophisticated," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  20. Vera Farmiga

    The actress was nominated for best actress in a supporting role for her part in "Up in the Air" opposite George Clooney.

    "Vera Farmiga was va-va volume in this gorgeous pleated Marchesa ruffle gown," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  21. Sam Worthington

    The "Avatar" star represents his film by hitting the red carpet early on in the evening. He also presented an award.

    "While scruff doesn't always work at an affair like the Oscars, Sam Worthington manages to look warm and fuzzy rather than disheveled," said Thomas. (Amy Sancetta / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  22. Anna Kendrick

    "Anna Kendrick is a blushing beauty in this soft Elie Saab Haute Couture gown," said Thomas. The "Twilight" star received her first Oscar nod for actress in a supporting role for her performance in "Up in the Air." (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  23. Carey Mulligan

    The "An Education" star was nominated for actress in a leading role. "The cutie pie looks so young and fun in this Prada gown," said Thomas. (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  24. Diane Kruger

    The actress didn't receive a nomination this year, but the film in which she stars, "Inglourious Basterds," did.

    "Diane Kruger is on-trend with texture, but unfortunately, this Chanel gown chops up her stunning figure," said Thomas. (Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  25. Sigourney Weaver

    The actress, who was not nominated this year, stars as a scientist in the megahit "Avatar."

    "Looking lovely in Lanvin, Sigourney Weaver is sophisticated and sexy in red," said Thomas. (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  26. Amanda Seyfried

    The "Dear John" actress didn't receive a nomination this year, but stuns on the red carpet.

    "Red-carpet sweetheart Amanda Seyfried was breathtaking in this Armani Prive," said Thomas. (John Shearer / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  27. Zoe Saldana

    The actress, who played Na'vi princess Neytiri in "Avatar," goes for a daringly different gown.

    "Beautiful Zoe Saldana stunned the red carpet in this Givenchy Haute Couture gown by Riccardo Tisci, but unfortunately, the bottom of this dress pulled attention away from the gorgeous bodice and her face," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  28. Elizabeth Banks

    The actress shows off her figure in a body-hugging gown.

    "The silhouette is becoming familiar to the red carpet (think Penelope Cruz), but somehow, it feels a bit tattered," said Thomas. (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  29. Anika Noni Rose

    The actress, who voiced Tiana in "The Princess and the Frog," is "wrapped up in too much taffeta. The top and bottom of this dress seem disconnected," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  30. Zac Efron

    The presenter's "asymmetrical, imperfect hairdo suits the Hollywood hearthrob well," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  31. Maggie Gyllenhaal

    The star was nominated for actress in a supporting role for her part in "Crazy Heart."

    "One of my favorite red-carpet risk takers, Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dries Van Noten, takes charge of this powerful print," said Thomas. (Matt Sayles / AP) Back to slideshow navigation
  32. Mariska Hargitay

    The "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" actress trades in her law enforcement duds for something more glam.

    "Mariska Hargitay's body is looking bow-dacious in this Vera Wang frock," said Thomas. (Frazer Harrison / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  33. Virginia Madsen

    "I wish Virginia Madsen would have opted for a clean, sleek up-do and passed on the earrings, allowing the subtle details of her dress to have more attention," said Thomas. (Jason Merritt / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
  34. Nicole Richie

    The socialite sported a sequined Zac Posen gown. "While I love Nicole Richie's personal style, this dress was probably more striking in person," said Thomas. (John Shearer / Getty Images) Back to slideshow navigation
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  1. Image: 82nd Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals
    Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images
    Above: Slideshow (34) Red carpet glam at the Oscars - Red carpet
  2. Image: Kathryn Bigelow,Mark Boal,Jeremy Renner, Brian Geraghty, Anthony Mackie
    Mark J. Terrill / AP
    Slideshow (24) Red carpet glam at the Oscars - Award show
  3. Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
    Slideshow (27) Red carpet glam at the Oscars - After parties
updated 3/8/2010 12:24:13 AM ET 2010-03-08T05:24:13

9:11 p.m PST:How you like me now?

"The Hurt Locker" takes both best director and Best Picture. Why?

As one Oscar party representative matter o' factly stated: "I think in the end ‘Avatar’ just wasn't a very good movie."

Yes, there's that.

The only thing that could've ruined this moment was the fact that the academy did its best to set women back 30 years by playing "I Am Woman" after Bigelow's Director win. (See, she's the first woman to win Best Director. Get it now? GET IT?) 

On both the Best Director and Best Picture acceptance speeches, Bigelow seems to be hyperventilating, but does OK ... even after Alec Baldwin slaps her behind.

What could've made it better for me, Helen A.S. Popkin, you ask? A nice "In your face" to Cameron would've been awesome ... but probably not very classy.

Well, as I've already seen "The Hurt Locker" like, 9 million times, I believe I will now go home and watch "Point Break," which, BTW, Bigelow also directed.

8:55 p.m. PST: Here we go again. Best Actress.

A svelte Forest Whitaker talks about directing Sandy Bullock in "Hope Floats." Michael Sheen (Tony Blair in "The Queen") talks about Helen Mirren's hot spiderweb tattoo. Peter Sarsgaard apologizes to his baby co-star Carey Mulligan from "An Education" for not telling her he was married. Oprah Winfrey busts Gabourey Sidibe for skipping school to audition for "Precious." (Meanwhile, there's Gabourey in the audience, wiping her tears.) Stanley Tucci says he's been in love with Meryl Streep for years. What is up with the TMI, guys? Sort yourselves out!

Sean Penn, in his tradmark skinny tie, blathers incoherently Spicoli-style and announces the one everyone expected, Sandra Bullock, as winner. "Did I really earn this or did I just wear y'all down?" she says. Um. ... Then she goes on to flatter her competitors ("Meryl ... you are such a great kisser") and thanking the family "The Blind Side" is based on (also in the audience). Of course, we don't get out of this speech without the tiniest reference of how she didn't always get the respect in Hollywood she deserved (just the paycheck). Sandy pulls it out in the end with a touching and tearful thank you to her mother for, among her wonderful parenting, not letting her ride in cars with boys until she was 18.

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Sandy, I think you should know, "Practical Magic" is a great movie. I watch it every time it comes on cable. And it's always on cable.

8:40 p.m. PST:In a call back from last year's major Oscar misstep, five famous actors take the stage, each providing a testimonial for one of the Best Actor nominees. 

Michelle Pfeiffer blathers on about Jeff Bridges. Julianne Moore goes blah blah blah about Colin Firth.

That lady who played George Clooney's romantic interest in "Up In the Air" goes on and on about George Clooney being hot. Tim Robbins recalls his time with Morgan Freeman filming "Shawshank Redemption." Colin Farrell talks about that time he can't remember when he and Jeremy Renner went to Mexico after filming "SWAT."

Jeff Bridges, of course, wins. His speech would make "The Big Lebowski's" Dude proud. He says "man" like, a jillion times, giggles ... references his dad  Lloyd Bridges' TV show "Sea Hunt" and goes on and on to thank everyone on the planet. (He's not acting, he IS the Dude!) Anyhoo ... even with all the blathering, Bridges' speech isn't half as long or rambling as the testimonials that introduced this category.

Just sayin'.

8:22 p.m. PST: Pedro Almodóvar and Quentin Tarantino announce the winner of Best Foreign Language Film: "The Secret in Their Eyes" (Argentina).

Director Juan Jose Campanella thanks the academy for not considering "Na'vi" a foreign language.

Na'vi is the native language of Pandora. Pandora is that planet the blue people live on in "Avatar."

"Avatar" is the movie that is not going to win Best Picture.


8:13 p.m. PST: Matt Damon announces Best Documentary Feature winner, "The Cove," a documentary about dolphin slaughter in Japan. Fisher Stevens, who you remember as that creepy guy from that one thing (and also from cheating on Michelle Pfeiffer) gives the thank you speech. The group is rapidly played off stage after flashing a sign with a text number to help dolphins. So fast, I missed it.

Anyway, in a year with so many documentaries about human suffering, get ready for the obligatory "but what about the humans?" Blah blah blah.

Tyler Perry arrives to announce Best Film Editing and makes a joke about this being the only time they say his name at the Oscars (after Mo'Nique's shout out, anyway). Quick shot backstage to co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin sharing a super-sized Snuggie! Product placement FTW!

Rate the Oscar fashions

"The Hurt Locker" wins (in your face, "Avatar!") and totally adorable couple Bob Murawski and Chris Innis accept. Enter Keanu Reeves, sounding weird and introducing an odd choice of a clip from "The Hurt Locker."

"The Hurt Locker" is going to win y'all ... unless it's "Precious." Either way, it's cool as long as it's not "Avatar."

7:58 p.m. PST: Anyway, "Up" won for Original Score. Whatever. One of the attendees at Oscar Party Caliente totally just fell asleep during the interpretive dance sequence.

OMG! Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper just introduced Best Visual Effects! Awkward! They both totally went out with Jennifer Aniston! Allegedly!

Oh, and "Avatar" won. Shocking.

OMG! Best director is just like the Democratic presidential candidate election!

Slideshow: An evening at the Oscars

7:50 p.m. PST: Sam Worthington! Spit out the gum! Seriously, they totally need a gum wrangler up in that dump! Robert Downey Jr., Morgan Freeman, WTF? Did you bring enough for everyone in the academy?

I get that you don't get to smoke in the auditorium, but maybe try a Nicorette patch next time, huh. President Obama apparently smokes like a chimney, but you never see it nor do you ever see him chompin' away during the State of the Union, or whatever.

Sorry to rant, but I needed something to do with my hands during the interpretive dance portion of the Best Original Score. Now would be a good time to bring back Doogie Howser ... just sayin'.

(P.S. Hands up! Before he opened his gum-chompin' mouth, who thought Sam Worthington was totally Justin Timberlake?!)

7:43 p.m. PST: Demi Moore introduced James Taylor to play the Beatles' "In My Life" through the montage of those who passed in 2009. That's all I got.

7:35 p.m. PST:Elizabeth Banks is wearing a tiara.

John Travolta just introduced the "Inglourious Basterds" review ... with director Quentin Tarantino pumping his fist in the air as the camera pans across the audience to reveal "Basterds" co-star (and "Hostel" director) Eli Roth, in a tux, with a crazy Nazi-killin' look in his eye!

Which reminds me, where IS Brad Pitt? He and Angelina Jolie are totally AWOL. Is it Jennifer Aniston's turn to attend the Oscars, because we haven't seen her either.

P.S. Bad news, everybody! According to this here commercial, they're forcing "V" back on us again. Cablevision, if you're going to dump ABC again, well ...

Sandra Bullock used the word "mishagos" before announcing "Avatar" as the winner for Cinematography.

7:28 p.m. PST: Morgan Freeman just schooled the Oscar audience on sound editing and mixing by narrating scenes from "The Dark Knight," making us all sad about Heath Ledger.

And oh snap, Cameron! I told you your ex was going to put a "Hurt Locker" on you. That movie just beat out "Avatar" for Sound Editing AND Sound Mixing!

Score: "The Hurt Locker": 3 "Avatar: 1"

This better not mean "The Hurt Locker" is shut out from Best Picture or Best Director or I swear I will get on a plane and fly straight to Los Angeles ...

7:23 p.m. PST: Kristen Stewart! Stand up straight! And we totally know you were smoking a cigarette before you hit the stage with Wolf Boy to introduce that tribute to horror movies.

That said, here at the Oscar Party Caliente, we all wonder if "Jaws" can really be classified as a horror movie. Same goes for "Misery" and maybe "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?" (More of a psychological thriller we're thinking.)

And "Beetlejuice"?! "Little Shop of Horrors"? "Edward Scissorhands"?! One is just a shout out to co-host Steve Martin, the other two ... well, they're just messing with Tim Burton!

"Twilight" may be a horror film ... but not in the way they mean it.

7:17 p.m. PST: Big upset! "The Young Victoria" takes Best Costume Design and not "Coco before Chanel," a movie about ... clothing!

Winner Sandy Powell (heretofore known as "Inglourious Basterd" for that acceptance speech) looks fabulous in a sequined number, and somewhat bored over her third win. (The other wins are from "The Aviator" and "Shakespeare in Love.") Powell totally kicked it old school and basically thanked all the little people.

Oh, and "Avatar" won for Art Direction. Enjoy it now, Cameron, because your ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow is going to put a "Hurt Locker" on you! (Unless "Precious" upsets, which it might.)

7:09 p.m. PST: Best Supporting Actress: I Told You So!


Video: Best Supporting Actress: Mo'Nique

And the winner for Best Speech of the Night! Mo'Nique!

"Performance and not the politics," she says, before thanking Hattie McDaniel "for enduring everything she had to." McDaniel was the first African-American to win an Oscar. (She won Best Supporting Actress in 1940 for her role as Mammy in "Gone With the Wind.")

She also thanked Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, as well as ... um... her attorney Ricky Anderson, her BET family and "my amazing husband, Sidney," for telling her that "sometimes you have to forgo doing what's popular for doing what's right."

Top that, Jeff Bridges, when you win Best Actor! (Which he will.)

Hey look! Keanu Reeves!

6:48 p.m. PST: Best Adapted Screenplay: "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire."

First Academy Award and nomination for Geoffrey Fletcher, who can hardly breathe he's so overcome as he thanks each member of his family. Iconic moment. Cough-drop-in-the-mouth kinda feel.

"I wrote that speech for him," Steve Martin says, bringing us all back.

Slideshow: 10 best Oscar dresses

Queen Latifah introduces the Governor Awards winners montage. Two of the winners, Roger Corman and Lauren Bacall, receive a standing ovation.

6:48 p.m. PST: ... And the winner for Best Makeup is ... "Star Trek"!

'Cause why?

Spock's ears, I guess. And aliens. Lots of aliens.

Guess Ben Stiller, in his "Avatar" makeup and tail, called it.

Up next: Mo'Nique wins Best Supporting Actress for "Precious" ... mark my words.

(Is it me, or is this thing flying by?)

P.S. Did I mention Cablevision ever so kindly switched ABC back on after the ceremony started? I guess Sen. John Kerry's nagging can really get to you after a while. (Am I right or am I right?)

6:41 p.m. PST:Let's be honest here. Nobody's seen Best Animated Short or Documentary Short Film or Live Action Short Film. That's why they had to distract us by showing some scenes from famous films from directors who previously won Best Animated Short or something.

The winner for Best Animated Short is "Logorama" by French director Nicholas Schmerkin. "It took me six years to make a 16-minute film. I hope to be back with a feature-length film in 36 years."

"Music of Prudence" wins Documentary Short Film, with most awkward acceptance speech! Ever! Filmmaker Roger Ross Williams talks about getting on the plane to Zimbabwe when Elinor Burkett butts him out of the way to go blah blah blah until the music pushes them off stage.

"The New Tenants" take it for best Live Action Short Film ... but only one of the two winners gets a chance to speak because one of them pauses too long and they cut the mike.

And then Ben Stiller in "Avatar" makeup ... he said it was between that or a Nazi uniform. He's presenting for Best Makeup. He says he shoulda worn his Spock ears, but "that would've been too nerdy." Oh snap! He's even wearing a tail!

6:28 p.m. PST: Who isn't crying? Well, you're a liar! It's the John Hughes Memorial Tribute (1950-2009) introduced by Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick. And the audience gasps as we are treated to John Hughes' movie scenes featuring the young Broderick, Ringwald, Robert Downey Jr., even Alec Baldwin (from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," "Sixteen Candles," "Weird Science" and "She's Having a Baby").

Following the movie montage, the former kids came out: Jon Cryer, Ally Sheedy, Macaulay Culkin, Judd Nelson and Anthony Michael Hall, join Molly and Matthew.

"When you get older, your heart dies," Ally said.

Oops! Remembering Oscar's most embarrassing moments

And this just in: Cablevision just switched ABC back on for its 3.1 million subscribers in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut soon after the telecast began. What-Ever!

6:11 p.m. PST: Ryan Bingham and T. Bone Burnett win for Best Original Song for "The Weary Kind (Theme from "Crazy Heart")." Most humble speech ever. T. Bone said nothing. Just scratched his ear. He's very tall.

Who didn't see that coming? Randy Newman, probably.

(He was up for not one, but two songs from Disney's "The Princess and the Frog.")

6:02: p.m. PST: Squirrel!

As much as I would have loved a Neil Gaiman win (he wrote the original "Coraline"), there's no beating a talking dog. "Up" wins for Best Animated Feature Film.

As an intro to the category, Barbara Walters "interviewed" the animated stars. The talking dog saw the "camera" and licked it after announcing, "What is this? I will explore it!" Well, there was really no question.

That almost makes up for the fact that my Oscar ballot is now 1:1.

5:56 p.m. PST: Yes! Christoph Waltz is Best Supporting Actor for his role as a scary Nazi from "Inglourious Basterds"! In your face! My Oscar ballot is one-for-one tonight.

Video: Waltz wins Best Supporting Actor

Penelope Cruz announces the winner! "Oscar and Penelope, that's an uber-bingo!"

Christoph totally deserved it. I still have nightmares about that opening scene from "Inglourious Basterds." Rah!

Which reminds me, where's Brad Pitt? Couldn't get a baby sitter? What?

P.S. Isn't it enough to pit "Hurt Locker" and "Avatar" against each other in every other category? Why did they sit the formerly married directors so close together? (Man, I really hope Kathryn Bigelow takes everything! In your FACE, James Cameron!)

5:48 p.m. PST: And the Oscar for best double-host intro goes to: Doogie ... er ... Neil Patrick Harris! A super glam Busby Berkeley number, apparently titled "No One Wants To Do It Alone," is the harbinger for hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin descending to the blingified stage on a "Wicked"-style bubble.

The audience is then treated to a barrage of hit-and-miss jokes as Steve and Alec tick off Hollywood in-jokes to the various nominees in the audience, including the obligatory Woody Harrelson is "so high" and Meryl Streep holds most nominations for an actress ... or, as Steve likes to say, the "most losses."

Best running gag: Alec Baldwin's long, resentful staring matches with George Clooney.

5:28 p.m. PST: Red carpet interviews, Part III:

Kate Winslet just referred to acting as "The Craft."

Gabourey Sidibe just called Oscars the "Prom Night for Hollywood."

Taylor Lautner doesn't seem too sad about Taylor whats-her-head.

Meryl Streep: Looks forward to "getting off the Jimmy Choos."

Finally! This red carpet intro is over! What time does this party start, anyway? It's a school night!

5:17 p.m. PST: Red carpet interviews, Part II:

Matt Damon: He seems nice.

Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer: Are they dating?

Morgan Freeman: Spit out that gum!

Jennifer Lopez: Where's her husband, "The Ice Truck Killer"? (Marc Anthony looks JUST LIKE the Ice Truck Killer from the first season of "Dexter." Am I right or am I right?

Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick: Dang, Carrie! That spray-on tan makes your husband look really pasty.

Cameron Diaz: Here for some reason.

5:09 p.m. PST: Red carpet interviews: Blah blah blah.

George Clooney is totally climbing a chainlink fence ... gasp. Asked: "What made you pick this role?" Um ... money. George's date apparently doesn't speak.

What will Sandra Bullock eat post Oscars?: "Nice juicy burger."

Zac Ephron: Feels like he "snuck in."

Jake Gyllenhaal, thanked for his "powerful performance in "Brothers."

Robert Downey Jr.: Forgot to bring me as his date. ... Again!

4:57 p.m. PST: Burritos here! Let the Oscars begin!

4:51 p.m. PST: Here in New York City, Oscar night means taco night! Or so it would seem. The impromptu Oscar Party Caliente I’m attending is getting nothing but busy signals and infinite hold times from the burrito joint down the street. We hope the wait pays off with burritos wrapped in gold, or at the very least, delivered tension-building envelopes. And the Seitan Chimichanga goes to …

Me! Helen A.S. Popkin, in the category of Forcing My Friends With an Antenna to Host Last Minute Academy Awards Shindig. Courtesy of the kerfuffle between Cablevision and Disney , ABC’s parent company, I’m not the only New Yorker scrambling for alternate Oscar viewing plans.

The two titans couldn’t get it together regarding money manners, and ABC went dark this morning at  12:01 a.m. ET. Luckily, the promise of free Mexican food secured my place on the couch a cable-free home with one of those DIY antennas.  Alas, cable-free means no E! Red Carpet snarking … just Barbara Walters in what she promises to be her last Oscars interview show. Ever.

(Fingers crossed!)

You're all invited to Helen A.S. Popkin's Oscar Afterparty that Never Ends when you follow her on  Twitter or friend her on Facebook.

© 2013 msnbc.com Reprints


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