Seconds after Kanye West performed the mortal sin of stepping on Taylor Swift’s “Best Female Video” acceptance speech at MTV’s Video Music Awards, the Internet achieved consensus: West is officially the worst person who ever lived. Ever.
Storming the stage like a rabid Banff photo-crashing squirrel, the hip hop auteur/awards show histrionic snatched the microphone from the young, blonde country singer and announced, not for nothing, Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” was “one of the best videos of all time.”
Boos echoed within Radio City Music Hall, resonating across the World Wide Web already saturated with VMA chat. Celebrities and commoners joined forces in outrage.
“Kanye west is the biggest piece of s**t on earth. Quote me. My heart goes out to Taylor Swift….” tweeted Pink, the singer who shot West serious stink eye as she passed him at the performance hall.
“F**K U KANYE. IT’S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN.” read Katy Perry’s Twitter feed.
“What's worse is that, unlike most of the jaded egotistical stars on these shows, Taylor seemed genuinely honored by it when she started speaking,” wrote J.R. LeMar, this guy I know from Facebook. “It was supposed to be one of the highlights of her young career, but that dips**t came in and ruined it for her.”
Nurtured on rudeness and fertilized by the desecration of everything sacred, the Internet finally found something that made even it recoil in disgust. “WHY I NEVER!” the World Wide Web exclaimed, clutching the handle of its old-timey spectacles, having morphed into Margaret Dumont, the scandalized aristocrat of Marx Brothers films.
Twitter buzz tracker Trendrr recorded 293,024 “Kanye” tweets in the hour following West’s stage crash, and Mashable social media blogger Pete Cashmore immediately announced the incidentas the VMA’s “YouTube Moment,” that “shareable event, perhaps staged — that’s guaranteed to be at the top of YouTube and Digg by the morning (not to mention all the sharing on Facebook and Twitter).”
Kanye “CAPS LOCK” West is already famous for his outbursts, be it on his blog, at awards shows, or that one time during a Hurricane Katrina relief benefit when he made Mike Myers really uncomfortable by deviating from the teleprompter to announce “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
This time, however, "There was no reason for Kanye West to get involved and tell us something we already knew," pointed out feminist fashion blog Jezebel.
Following Sunday’s VMA incident, West attempted to apologize on his blog in his standard CAPS LOCK style, writing in part:
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“I’M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD’VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE’S IN THE BLEACHERS! ……………………”
The post was removed soon after, though not before it was copied everywhere. You can find transcript on dlisted, the celeb gossip blog that said of the West’s temporary post, “Good lord, I want to Fabreze(sic) that entire statement, because it reeeeeeks of Henny barf, microwaved s**t, and Taylor Swift's tears (aww). You can tell this is every shade of NOT SINCERE, because he only used ten zillion exclamation points instead of ten zillion and one.”
Even YouTube Hitler offered an expletive-filled rant less than 24 hours after the VMAs. Certainly you’ve already received a million forwards of the Barack Obama/Kanye West video mashup, the one in which the “YOU LIE!” shouted by Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) during President Barack Obama's joint session of Congress is replaced with Kanye's Beyonce' rant. (After which Obama mumbles, “that’s not true …”)
Well, in a certainly-not-safe-for-work satire on the subject, one speedy comedian added the Kayne West-hating zeitgeist to the popular YouTube Hitler meme — a scene from the 2004 German film “Der Untergang” (“The Downfall”) creative types use as a template for social satire, changing the context with humorous subtitles in Hitler’s bunker meltdown scene.
Why even American Idol sweetheart Kelly Clarkson called Yeezy an expletive on the Internet, as she joined outraged masses responding so rudely to rudeness.
One might point out, that for all his Hennessey-swilling interruptyness, West has yet to get potty-mouthed .. and that the reactionary behavior is worse than the action. Alas, the havoc West wreaked didn’t stop with his stage storming.
Those who spent Sunday night watching some sort of organized sporting event, enjoying the USA Network’s “NCIS” marathon or on the West Coast, received the added insult of hearing the spoilers. It was these poor victims who, upon checking their social network accounts, learned of this horrific cultural catastrophe second hand!
While those in the know built “I hate Kanye West” and “Vote for Taylor Swift” Facebook groups and contemplated the correct Twitter avatar flair with which to properly exhibit their ‘Ye disdain, those behind the news found themselves feeling lost, completely out of touch.
Sandy Hollingsworth Morgan, this other person I know from Facebook, came to the emergency aid of friends who spent the evening with others watching a movie. When it ended, the party attendees immediately accessed their Facebook accounts, as is the custom of the day, only to log on to a world they no longer understood.
“All of them were like, ‘What did Kanye do?’ ” Morgan said. She instructed her friends (via Facebook status update, natch) to remain calm and to proceed immediately to YouTube, were they quickly caught up on the hubbub. “All of this took place in about three minutes,” Morgan said. “Isn’t the Internet cool?”
Indeed. As we suffer through following weeks, perhaps months, of bloviating over The VMA Incident, we may forget what Morgan observed. “This would not have happened when I was Taylor Swift's age,” she pointed out.
“If I had missed something, I would've been hoping that some news channel, that I happened to be watching just at the right time, would play a clip. We didn't have no stinkin' InterWebs!”
Helen A.S. Popkin, who still believes 2006's Gold Digger is the best Grammy performance ever, invites you to follow her on Twitter or friend her on Facebook, where she is always sincere, as illustrated by her frequent use of ten zillion and one exclamation points!!!!!!!!
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