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Image: Simon Cowell
Dan Steinberg  /  AP file
Just what the world needed: Simon Cowell reportedly wants to freeze himself and possibly live forever.
By
msnbc.com contributor
updated 2/23/2009 8:56:44 PM ET 2009-02-24T01:56:44

If “American Idol’s” resident grump, Simon Cowell, gets his way, he could go on nitpicking problem performances long after Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Kara DioGuardi join the dearly departed.

According to the Daily Mail, Cowell recently confessed his plans to have his body cryogenically frozen upon death with the hope of rejoining the human race at a much later date.

“I have decided to freeze myself when I die,” Cowell told fellow diners at a dinner party thrown by British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. “You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you’ve been declared dead.”

Cowell joked that the procedure would not only serve his sense of self preservation, but would also be a boon to the masses.

“Medical science is bound to work out a way of bringing us back to life in the next century or so, and I want to be available when they do,” he said, adding, “I would be doing the nation an invaluable service.”

Chris Brown on ‘SNL’?
While Chris Brown’s career is currently at a standstill following his alleged assault on Rihanna, comedian Kenan Thompson believes there’s still hope for the fallen star.

Simon saysThe “Saturday Night Live” cast member insists Brown’s scandal wouldn’t prevent the singer from performing on his show.

“It's not up to me, but I'm sure we would (have him on ‘SNL’) if he had another hit single,” Thompson said in an interview with Usmagazine.com. “We don't care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings!”

Ronson denies pricey haircuts at Lohan’s expense
A recent report in OK! magazine claimed Lindsay Lohan “lays out $500 per cut” for gal pal Samantha Ronson’s close-cropped style, but the DJ wants her fans to know it’s just not true.

Slideshow: Celebrity Sightings

“it doesn't cost $500 to cut my hair,” Ronson wrote in a post on her MySpace blog. “have you seen my hair? i don't even have that many strands.”

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Besides, Ronson assured her readers that if her locks ever required big bucks, she still wouldn’t need haircut handouts from LiLo.

“if for some reason i decided that I was going to throw $500 away on a hair cut I would pay for it myself, however — I have a great exchange going with my hair dresser — i make him cds — he cuts my hair,” she wrote. “yay! cheap and cheerful!"

Dish on the fly
It may look like fun and games, but Paris Hilton only keeps the party going as long as it’s profitable. “(Partying) is what I do for a living,” the celebutante told the New York Daily News. Even the 28-year-old’s birthday bashes are play-for-pay events. “(I’d have) 10 birthday parties, if I could,” she said. “So long as people are paying me, I could keep going.” … Actor Billy Crudup stars as Dr. Manhattan, aka the big blue ambivalent dude, in the upcoming film “Watchmen,” but most TV viewers know him better as the “priceless” voice of MasterCard. Still, Crudup won’t use the famous line to promote his new film. “I don't think they have the money to pay me to declare this movie priceless,” he said in a quote posted to StarPulse. “I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to say that word. I think I am.” … “Rock Star: INXS” winner J.D. Fortune claimed the Australian band dumped him at a Hong Kong airport with nothing more than a handshake, but according to the band’s creative director, Chris Murphy, it never happened. “Not only are we shocked by the claims, even the place the supposed incident was to have taken place is a mystery to the band," he told the Daily Telegraph. “The band have always stated to me that Fortune's services could potentially be contracted again when INXS next tour.” Seems that plan no longer stands, as Murphy added, “I guess I have no reason to call him now.”

More on Simon Cowell | Chris Brown

Tabloid Tidbits is compiled by Ree Hines.

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