Sad about being single? Don't be! In “How to Love Like a Hot Chick,” authors Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent offer tips on must-have experiences and share why, from controlling the remote to controlling the bathroom, being sans a significant other actually has its perks. An excerpt.
Being single doesn’t suck
It’s time to do a little ass kicking here. The first step to being a single Hot Chick is to rewire your brain. We know that society can make life hard for single women, but you absolutely have to stop letting this get to you, because it is total nonsense. Stop believing that being single is inherently a negative thing. Stop believing that there is something wrong with you just because you’re single. And most important, stop believing that your life has to suck until you find Mr. Right!
Being single can be fun and fulfilling, and if it sucks for you right now, it’s probably because you’re making it suck by believing that it should. The more you tell yourself that you won’t be happy until you find a guy, the less happy you will be. And the more you walk around with a foonge face about being single, the longer the universe will keep you single to give you time to figure out how much fun it can be.
So do yourself a favor and flip the switch right now, ladies. Recognize that at this moment, you are single for a reason, and just decide to enjoy it for what it is. When you find yourself getting down, just force yourself to stop thinking about the negatives and focus on all of the cool things about being single.
Stop counting how many weeks or months or years it’s been since you’ve gone on a date or gotten laid, stop being jealous of other girls whose boyfriends buy them pretty things, stop feeling resentful every time another one of your friends gets engaged, and think about this: this is your time and there is so much that you can do with the freedom you have right now. You have so much power and passion and creativity in your hot little body, and this is the time to use it, not the time to be preoccupied with finding some guy (or girl, we don’t discriminate).
If you want someone, fine. We get it. And that’s totally okay. You’re allowed to want someone. But you need to stop worrying that you won’t ever find that person and stop picturing yourself ending up alone in a moldy basement surrounded by cats. Look at yourself. You are a Hot Chick! But if you constantly obsess and complain and feel LSE [low self-esteem] about being single, then you are not acting like one.
This can be a magical time in your life; you just have to decide right now that it is going to be. The instant you stop thinking it’s so sh---- is the moment your entire life will change. It may sound cheesy, but the universe listens to our thoughts. So squash those destructive fantasy sequences featuring you as the cat lady, and force yourself to think about how much your life doesn’t suck. We promise that change of mind-set will change everything.
We want all of you Hot Chicks to live your single life to the fullest. This is your heyday, and it is very likely your only chance to do all of the crazy, spontaneous things that you have secret fantasy sequences about doing. No more wasting time stressing out about the fact that you still have your maiden name. Instead, pour all of your energy into the following life-changing experiences that every single Hot Chick must have.
Single experience #1: Travel by yourself
It doesn’t matter if it’s a weekend lying by the pool or a summer hoeing weeds on a kibbutz in Israel. There is simply no better way to get to know yourself than to go away by yourself. Being in a new city where nobody has a preconceived notion about who you are or has any clue that you sucked your thumb until the fifth grade is possibly the most liberating feeling on the planet. It gives you a chance to create a new persona for yourself — and that is the person who you really want to be. So, instead of flying home to your mama the next time you have some days off, take yourself somewhere new and get to know a new and different version of you. Just make sure to bring a piece of her home with you.
Single experience #2: Go on vacation with your girlfriends
This may sound similar to number one, but it is actually a vastly different (yet equally important) experience for every single Hot Chick. Pick a fun place and call your girlfriends or sister or cousins or coworkers and plan a girly trip. And please don’t say, “All of my friends are married and attached so they won’t want to go on a trip with me.” That is playing small. Trust us, your friends want a vacation away from their men, and that’s totally healthy.
It doesn’t have to be expensive either. You can all drive two hours away, stay overnight at a sh---- hotel, and drink mudslides at TGIFridays.
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Or save your pennies and go to Hawaii or Puerto Rico, lie in the sun all day, and go dancing at night. Whatever you do, just take this opportunity to really bond with your girlfriends and get to know them on a different level. These trips will make for wonderful memories to look back on one day when your name is Grandma. Just remember to take lots of pictures to remind yourself how hot you were.
Single experience #3: Live by yourself
We know this may sound impossible, especially if you live in some crazy expensive city. But if you can swing it financially, we think it’s really important to live by yourself at least once in your life. This is a huge step toward being truly independent. Think about how accomplished you’ll feel after hanging curtains and setting mousetraps yourself. Plus, the value of having your own space to decorate the way you want, and in which to truly get to know yourself and figure out what you want out of life, cannot be overstated. At the very least, make this a goal that you want to accomplish at some point in your life, and we’re sure you’ll figure out how to make it happen.
Single experience #4: Play hostess
Throwing a party is not only a great accomplishment, but it’s a perfect way to celebrate your new outlook on single life. Don’t you dare be LSE for one second and worry that your party will be lame or that nobody will come. Instead, act like the Hot Chick that you are, pick any excuse for a party you can think of (your birthday, housewarming for your new pad, St. Patty’s day, Cinco de Mayo, etc.), make some fun appetizers, buy a bunch of booze, and create a fun Evite. What better way to celebrate yourself than to share your home with the people you care about? Plus, you’ll be giving your friends, family, and coworkers a chance to relax, blow off steam, and eat yummy food. It will make you feel good to make them feel good. And you never know — someone may bring someone who is fun to make out with!
Single experience #5: Go to movies by yourself
If you have never done this, you have to start now. Take yourself on a date to the movies! This is a very Hot Chick thing to do because it takes confidence. It may seem scary at first, but you will feel like a total Hot Chick once you get into the habit of it. The trick is to not let yourself feel LSE about sitting there alone. Treat yourself well: buy a small popcorn or some fun bulk candy and enjoy people watching (without judgment, of course). This is a good way to remind yourself that you’re not banished to your house just because you’re single. You are allowed to enjoy all of the little pleasures in life, and might actually enjoy them even more by yourself.
Single experience #6: Spend time with your family
Not to get all serious and sh--, but no matter how old you are, your family is getting older, too. And none of us will live forever. As you are running around all single and happy, remember to set aside some quality time to spend with the fam. If you find yourself in a relationship, you’ll have to start spending time with his family, and then time with your own family will be cut short because there just isn’t ever enough time. We regret not spending more time with our grandma or bonding with our sister-in-law or visiting our favorite cousin or having heart to hearts with our brother. Before you go adding another family to the mix, make some time for your own.
Single experience #7: Educate yourself
Don’t wait until you have a man to start becoming the woman you want to be. Start right now. Take classes at night and finally finish your degree, or learn Italian and then reward yourself with a trip to Italy, or take cooking classes at a culinary school or a random art history course at a local college. Indulge in all of the things you are passionate about and take the time to learn about them. This will make you forever a hotter Hot Chick, so study up!
Single experience #8: Buy a vibrator
With modern technology, there is literally no reason that you have to have a man in order to be sexually satisfied. Get your hot ass to the toy store or check out the fun Web sites that we link to off of our site. You can discreetly buy a fun new gadget and no one will be the wiser. This is absolutely something that every single Hot Chick must experience! It will keep you happier through your single days, prevent you from getting desperate, and help you learn exactly what gets your motor running so that one day you’ll be able to teach a man how to do that.
Single experience #9: Buy nice underwear
We promise that just sliding into silky panties or putting on a blood-red bra will make you feel sensual and alive, and every single woman deserves to feel that way! If the frilly stuff isn’t your thing, there’s plenty of stuff out there that’s more practical but equally sexy. Put on some flirty boy shorts from Victoria’s Secret’s Pink collection and see how hot you feel just painting your toenails alone in your apartment. Or take one of Victoria’s other secrets and indulge in some of her Sexy Little Things. You will feel so much hotter — and when you feel hotter, you act hotter, and when you act hotter, everyone will notice. Pretty soon, men will be fighting to get a look at your new purchases, and it will be up to you to decide whether or not they’re worth it.
Single experience #10: Have a one-night stand
Some of you may be morally opposed to this, and if that’s the case, then obviously don’t do it. For the rest of you, be warned that this can be a tough one, and there will most likely be some repercussions. You may accidentally get attached, or it may make you feel LSE or guilty or slutty. However, this section is about once in a lifetime experiences, and this is a big one! So if it sounds like fun to you, there is no reason you can’t experience this, at least once. Just be sure to always be safe, use a condom, and follow all of our one-night stand rules on page 149!
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Single pro #1: Sleep soundly
Most guys we know snore really freaking loudly and some of them think they’re too manly to wear that awesome little Breathe Right strip. Lots of guys also toss and turn all night, and some of them lead with their elbows: we’ve woken up with a sharp elbow to the spine more times than we can count. Others take up the whole damn bed with their big manly selves, and still others sweat profusely all over your beautiful five hundred–thread count sheets, even in the dead of winter. Some men (gasp) do all of the above. Suffice it to say, enjoy your comfy bed while you can.
Single pro #2: Solo travel
Trips are another huge stressor on relationships. Most couples end up in huge blowouts over things like whether or not to get “bumped” onto the next flight to earn sky miles, whether or not to pay for the insurance on the rental car, directions, meal times, etc., etc., etc. You single Hot Chicks, on the other hand, can jump in a truck and head across the country or just take off whenever and wherever you want with nobody to answer to.
Single pro #3: You don’t have to spend the holidays with someone else’s weird family
This needs no further explanation.
Single pro #4: Money saver
A lot of single girls don’t realize this, but being in a relationship is expensive. There are just so many more obligations that suck extra cash down the drain, like his sister’s baby shower, holiday gifts for his family, and more dinners out. For those of you who are hoping to find a guy who is going to pay for everything, let us remind you that it is 2009 and the economy sucks. Open a savings account now.
Single pro #5: Gym time
When you work full time and you have a man (and especially if you have kids), it becomes really hard to find time in the day just for you. Pretty soon, you’re missing your nightly yoga class to have dinner with him and cutting your workouts short to rush home and take care of sh--. We want you to appreciate the fact that you have your evenings or weekend mornings free to go to butt class, and enjoy your “me time” while you have it.
Single pro #6: Remote control
Men seem to be pre-wired to not only hate everything we want to watch, but to also get unreasonably angry at us for wanting to watch reruns of Sex and the City. Honestly, if we hear, “You’ve seen that already,” one more time, we might snap. Meanwhile, a reairing of the same Simpsons episode he’s seen five hundred times is somehow sacred. Enjoy singing along with American Idol or cheering for your favorite C-list celebs on Dancing with the Stars now, because one day you will most likely have to share. Gross.
Single pro #7: No breakups
Do we have to remind you how much better it is to be single than it is to be in the wrong relationship? Breakups can be nasty, heartbreaking, and really interrupt your life, especially if it’s gone on for a while and you’ve mixed friends, left your favorite perfume at his house, and bonded with his sister. Just be glad to know that you won’t have to go through this, at least for a while.
Single pro #8: Fantasies can be reality
This is the time for you to figure out exactly what you want, when you want it, and how you’re gonna go get it. Nothing is holding you back right now! Since you’re single, you can spend all the time you want deciding exactly what kind of man you want. Then you can build him from scratch and enjoy your life to the fullest until he comes. Fun! (See Chapter 2 on how to build a boyfriend!)
Single pro #9: Test the waters
We don’t advocate sluttiness, but this is the time when you are allowed to sleep with anyone you want. Hot Chicks don’t cheat, so if you’re planning on getting married one day, you better get it out of your system now. At the very least, have an exciting enough heyday that you’ll be able to look back on and blush. Just use a condom (or several).
Single pro #10: Get some kisses
You can make out with anyone you want, as long as he is single, too. This one really is harmless, so have fun and live it up!
Video: ‘Hot Chicks’ advise on finding love (on this page)
Single Pro #11: Bathroom bliss
Single Pro #11: Bathroom bliss
Single pro #12: Girl time
You have more time for fun girly projects, and admit it, you totally get off on making scrapbooks and bedazzling things and using a hot glue gun to decorate picture frames. It’s really hard to find time to do all this stuff and have fun girly brunches and go shopping with your sister when you have to make time to hang out with your man, too.
Single pro #13: Private parts
This is the time to get to know your girly parts and figure out what you like, whether it’s with a partner or by yourself! You can’t be a Hot Chick if you don’t know your body and feel totally comfortable in your own skin. Plus, we want you to truly enjoy being single. So shut your bedroom door and have fun.
Single pro #14: No bickering
Think about the fact that you don’t have someone always watching you and complaining about how you didn’t cap the seltzer tightly enough or how your thick, lustrous hair always gets caught in the drain. Relationships can be great, but none of them are perfect. And arguing about really dumb sh-- (which is totally normal and healthy, by the way) can be really, really annoying.
Single pro #15: Food freedom
The number one argument between every couple we know is over where the hell they should eat dinner. But you sexy single girls don’t have to wait to eat until your man gets home at 8:30 and end up getting into a giant fight because you’re so LBS [low blood-sugar]. Nor do you have to listen to a diatribe about how you put too much importance on food just because you want to eat dinner with your man every now and then. You can eat frozen yogurt for dinner whenever you feel like it without anyone thinking that you’re pulling a Mary Kate. Eat whatever and whenever you want! This is a highly underrated freedom.
Excerpted from “How to Love Like a Hot Chick” by Jodi Lipper and Cerina Vincent. Copyright (c) 2009, reprinted with permission from HarperCollins. To read more, click here.
© 2012 MSNBC Interactive