Where's the beef?
Well, it's certainly back, especially in Hollywood, where being a bit hairy and showing a little paunch isn't necessarily such a bad thing anymore.
Behold, the era of the everything-old-is-new-again "retrosexual" is upon us. And the celebrity set is leading the charge.
You probably already know the "metrosexual," or at least you've maybe heard of him. It's that guy who, just when you are finally relaxing into your heated spa chair, shows up to get a pedicure all for himself. He dresses well, trims all unnecessary body hair, and spends more time in the gym than watching the game.
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By contrast, a "retrosexual" is a manly man, an alpha male who may have the physique of a Shar-Pei dog (a little wrinkly and flabby, yet endearing), the manners of a 5-year-old (the kind who makes armpit farting noises at the dinner table) and the ability to pull you in for a hot, sweaty kiss and then go right out and fix your darn car.
Bill Van Parys, Executive Editor of Details magazine, isn't exactly impressed with a celebrity who can't keep himself looking nice in public.
"I honestly think some people are just looking to validate their sloppy appearance … there are certainly some actors who could show a little more effort at public events, instead of showing up at premieres in bowling shirts or what not," Van Parys told Access Hollywood.
If you want to see the celebrity retrosexual in his native habitat, just check out Will Ferrell running around in his 'tighty whiteys' in "Talladega Nights," or Jack Black in a too-tight pair of polyester pants in "Nacho Libre."
Jennifer Aniston has her very own retrosexual.
Her ex, Brad Pitt, is the ultimate metrosexual, no matter how many motorcycle rides he takes around Santa Monica.
But with his puppy-dog eyes and everyman bod, Vince Vaughn is the retrosexual who has captured Jen's heart.
Even Kid Rock — who could never be accused of unnecessary grooming — has found himself a pretty little lady to share a beer with (again) — Pamela Anderson!
Ben Affleck has always been a closet retrosexual, which is why he fits right into the upcoming summer comedy, "Clerks II," which is inundated with the manly and the burpy.
As for the metros, they haven't done too shabbily for themselves this summer.
Leading the pack — in a sensitive way — is Johnny Depp's "Capt. Jack Sparrow" in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest."
If the epitome of metrosexuality is spending time on one's appearance, just look at Jack's eyeliner. It must've taken a good 30 minutes to do such a nice job.
Orlando Bloom gives Johnny support in the metro department with his sensitive portrayal of Will Turner in "Pirates." Keira Knightley obviously wears the pants in that relationship.
And from his perfectly coiffed ‘do... to his tights obviously washed in Woolite, Brandon Routh's Superman is a total metrosexual.
Some Hollywood boys straddle the border between retrosexual and metrosexual, sometimes appearing crude; other times cultured.
Hugh Jackman moves easily between the two extremes. His Wolverine from the "X-Men" films is one rascally retrosexual. But his upcoming portrayal of Peter Lyman in Woody Allen's "Scoop" is suaveness itself.
Even though he might be a killer. And therein lies the conundrum. As the gelled Polo-wearing Peter, Hugh might be very bad. As the wolf dude in need of a shave, Hugh is very, very good.
It may all be about gender perspective. Women and men tend to disagree on the degree of retro/metrosexuality that any given celebrity exhibits.
That's why Owen Wilson is borderline. So are George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Colin Farrell.
Even David Hasselhoff is borderline. As well-oiled Mitch Buchannon on "Baywatch," the Hoff was riding the metro.
But on "America's Got Talent," the Hoff is pretty beefy. And we mean that in a good way.
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