Need a quick answer to a relationship dilemma? Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her relationship advice in TODAY.com’s “30-second therapist” series.
Q: I was dating a woman for 2 months. We saw each other two or three times a week, until she pulled back to one time a week. Last Saturday, we went to a trampoline gym, and then to dinner. She always said how much she loved the fun dates I planned. Monday she messaged me and told me how nice it was to wake up with me Sunday morning. We discussed our schedules for the week, and she suggested our date for Friday. Then, out of the blue, she emailed me on Wednesday and said she wants “to stop dating me.” She said she just wasn’t feeling the connection she’d hoped, and wanted to move on.
How does someone go from Monday, saying how much she enjoyed our time together, to Wednesday, saying she doesn’t want to see me anymore? We were still getting to know each other. I know it was only two months, and it’s better she told me now, than later. Is this salvageable? Please help! —Basketcase
Dear Basketcase,
I feel the pain of your shock waves! Relationships revolve around trust, and after two intimate months, you believed trust was building—but, dude, its foundation was made of sand.
Actually, she revealed her agenda when she “pulled back to [seeing you] one time a week.” Did you discuss this change with her? That was a necessary dialogue. Warning to singles: fun is fine, but without sharing heartfelt feelings and fears, you’ll end up sleeping with a stranger.
Love mandates a soul connection, but you only knew this woman superficially. Without substance, what is there to salvage now? The best you can do is seek deeper meaning the next time around. —Dr. Gilda
Q: I am a 46-year-old man with two children. I caught my last girlfriend of 7 months cheating. She appeared to be happy as a part of my ready-made family, but in the end, I guess she needed something different. She is 17 years my junior, and like a lot of women, she says she likes men my age. It is good for my ego to date younger women, but I’m concerned about our future. Why do younger women prefer older men with kids? —Geezer Wanting Girlfriend
Dear Geezer,
Anthropologically, men want “honey” to breed beautiful offspring, and women want “money” to sustain the progeny. Older guys with kids are presumably established and can support their younger mates. But soon they complain their nubile nymphs seek only their resources, while the sirens tire of father figures too sedentary for their wild hearts.
You admit, “It is good for my ego to date younger women.” Duh, daddy! Do you want arm candy or love? You worry, “I’m concerned about our future.” You should be! My Gilda-Gram™ asserts, “To sustain love, park your ego and reveal your truth.” Dude, if you don’t end the affect, each new babe will continue to flee that boring bassinet you share. —Dr. Gilda
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Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.