30 second therapist

I was dumped over email -- but now I miss my ex

Dec. 27, 2013 at 12:02 PM ET

This week, one reader says she's thinks she has a crush on her dog's vet, while another says he's really lonely after being dumped via email. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series.

Q: Five weeks ago, the love of my life sent me a goodbye email. When Fridays come around, I feel hopeless with nothing to do on the weekends. I miss this woman very much. I have two questions: 1) Can broken relationships be repaired? If so, how can I rekindle this one? 2) If our relationship can’t be saved, what can I do to move on? I admit that I’m not there yet, but if I were to date someone, all I’d think about would be my ex. Right now, I’m in terrible emotional pain. Please help! —Missing My Ex

Dear Missing,

As a relationship therapist, I guide couples to fix their issues. But both people must want the fix. Since your ex delivered her goodbye through a cold, non-negotiable email, consider this caper kaput.

Right now, beyond work, you're boring! True, you’re not ready for new romance, but before you are, get a life! My Gilda-Gram™ explains, “Your primary relationship must be the one you have with yourself.” This is your time to pursue unmet goals. Make yourself interesting, and you’ll attract an interested mate.  

When that new love appears, hear the Rascal Flatts song, “Bless the Broken Road,” that says, “Every long lost dream led me to where you are…” You’ll know why your former love didn’t last; this one will be better—because you are! —Dr. Gilda

Q: I’m a 42-year-old single mom who’s been divorced for ten long years. Now I have a crush on my dog’s vet. I have been flirting with him each time I visit, but I’m not sure if he’s interested. He always asks if I have any more questions, and he shakes my hand when I leave. Last week, he said, “Good to see you, as always.” I’m comfortable around men, but this one makes me perspire. What should I do next? —Lonely Dog Lover

Dear Lonely,

Inviting your questions and extending a hand are hardly sexual come-ons! Dr. Vet is engaging in congenial gestures for his business. You don’t even know if he’s single! Girlfriend, if dude desired you beyond the kibble, he’d make a move. Invite him to an event—and see how he responds.

Your illusion is feeding your fear of another failed romance. Instead of getting frothy over a fantasy, consider a different pacifier to quell your lonely state. When you walk Fido, get chummy with other pet owners, and volunteer at a pet shelter to meet folks who share your furry passion.  

It’s been ten years since your divorce. How much longer should your loneliness last? You’re ripe to venture toward real and available possibilities. —Dr. Gilda

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.

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