April 12, 2013 at 11:49 AM ET
Q: I love this woman and want a second chance. Less than a month ago, my girlfriend and I ended our relationship. We have been friends since high school and stayed in touch for nine years. Recently, we started dating for six months. I was in a bad state after a seven-year relationship, but this girl was there for me, and helped bring me back to my old self. Even though we were in relationships, we hooked up a few times, and now have a lot of history. When she walked out, she said we moved too fast, and there’s no going back. However, she still texts me asking how I am, or just to chat. I deleted her from my Facebook because it hurt too much to see our pictures. This upset her. I truly believe we are meant for each other, but do you think I should let it go? I'm so confused. I would do anything to show her that I am the man she thought I was. —Still Longing
Dear Still Longing,
Whoa, what kind of “man” did your girlfriend think you were? When you dated, you were a hot mess in need of rehab. A healthy woman looking for love avoids such catastrophes. But neither of you were healthy; she was cheating on her partner, as you were on yours. She partook in your sexual healing, but whatever her motives, stop interpreting them as “love.” Heed this Gilda-Gram™: “Lust is just a prequel to what often lacks a sequel.”
Girlfriend “walked out” after biting from your apple, but is peeved you’ve erased the reminder of her wormy core. Yes, you “should let [this player] go”! Be grateful she got you past your pain, but be thrilled that she left! —Dr. Gilda
Q: I have been in a relationship for five years, but my girlfriend told me that she had feelings for another guy for two years, and that she had some physical intimacy with him, too. That guy is my friend. Now I feel cheated. She wants to be with me, but this previous intimacy is hindering me. My girlfriend loved me a lot, and now she says she loves me again. That guy forced her to become physical when she and I had a fight, after she went to him to get sympathy. I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her, but how do I get over this, and convince her that I am her true love? Now she even doubts herself. —Love Sick
Dear Love Sick,
Your alleged honey went to your “friend” for “sympathy,” and he “forced her to become physical”? What part of this fantasy gives you indigestion? Her argument with you was the excuse she needed, to sample this “friend” for whom she’s harbored feelings for two years. The reason “this previous intimacy is hindering” you is that your gut is screaming, “You’ve been had!”
Girlfriend slickly morphed from cheater to victim, who now “doubts herself” (Gimme a violin!), but is playing you to convince her that you’re her “true love.” Dude, remove both these cheaters from the mildewed photo. Wise up, opt out, and find better “friends.” --Dr. Gilda
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Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.