30 second therapist

He asked me to marry him, and I said no, now what?

May 9, 2014 at 3:25 PM ET

This week, one reader wonders if she is afraid of commitment because she declined to marry her boyfriend of three months, while another wants to know if she should give up on her boyfriend because he travels for work. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle cuts through the fluff with her love advice in TODAY.com's "30-second therapist" series.

Q: I recently turned 60 and I've been dating a man who is turning 50 in a few weeks. He asked me to marry him after dating only three months and I declined. We continued seeing each other but he isn't as attentive as before. I really like this guy but I am still afraid to commit to him. I don't know why. Help! —What’s Wrong with Me?

Dear What’s Wrong with Me?,

The answer to your signature is “Everything’s Right with Me”!! Girl, marrying someone after knowing him for only three months is asinine at any age! In his song, “You Think You Know Somebody,” Hunter Hayes sings “Where did you go when the lights came up?” Your guy disappeared when your response came to light. My Gilda-Gram™ warns, “Don’t consider commitment until you’ve seen your mate in crisis.” Dude’s rush to tie the knot seems suspicious. And his withdrawal of affections when he didn’t get his way seems controlling. Assess his relationship history, and what he’d gain from a merger with you.

While you may “like this guy,” treat your fears as your shrink, and have the courage to heed their warnings.—Dr. Gilda

Q: I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. He is great but he travels from weeks to months at a time for his job. When he leaves, our relationship always takes a negative twist where we lose communication and fight, leaving me at home lonely and depressed. Although I think that he could be "the one," and he makes pretty decent money, how much time away is too much to have a good relationship? If I can't handle it now, will I be able to deal with it in the future when or if we have kids? He will miss holidays and birthdays and have no set schedule. How important should a job be to the future success of a relationship? I need a partner who will be there for me, physically and emotionally. Should I hope for the best, or cut my losses? —Want It All

Dear Want It All,

The hysterically funny movie “Mom’s Night Out” will give you a true glimpse of motherhood’s demands. You’ll watch a mother’s stress over her husband’s travels, but you’ll also learn that a mom’s striving for perfection is what will do her in.

Girlfriend, you have a “great” guy who’s financially rewarded for his extensive travel. Creating arguments to manipulate his staying home is no path to love. Only a self-assured woman could be with a traveling spouse, and perhaps you need someone regularly by your side! Sister, if that’s the case, find a better match. —Dr. Gilda

Want Dr. Gilda to answer your relationship questions? Send them in!

Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor emerita, has written 15 books, and her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”—Second Edition. She provides advice and coaching via Skype, email and phone.

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