Aug. 11, 2011 at 8:42 AM ET
It's the season finale of "Toddlers & Tiaras!" Tonight's episode highlights Louisville's Rumble in the Jungle World Championship. And if you know where to find a jungle in Kentucky, please let us know.
According to pageant director Heather Ryan, the tot who wins this one "will be considered the best pageant child in the industry." Now, Ryan is also the talent agent for 5-year-old contestants Eden and Alexis. She insists there's no conflict of interest because she isn't a judge -- she just tells the judges how to vote.
You can imagine how this played out amongst high-strung pageant moms, right?
She's Ba-a-ack: Well, if you didn't get enough of her in the season opener, you're in luck. Yes, Eden Wood is again on our screens. We get another one of her proclamations that she's "real famous," and mama Mickie babbles away ad nauseam about her little "international superstar." Next!
Pretty and Pretty Fun: Alexis is not only adorable, but she's got a rockin' granny too. Nana seems pretty bemused at mom Monica's insistence on giving biracial Lexie a tan, then totally wins our hearts by playing Eden Wood in her granddaughter's mock pageant.
Mama Don't Preach: Former beauty queen pageant contestant Cristy says her daughter Isabella loves pageants, but from what we can tell, the 3-year-old loves candy and throwing tantrums. Having photos taken and getting her hair, nails and makeup done? Not so much.
You Tarzan, Me Sick: If Eden's return wasn't enough, we're treated to a segment where she shaves and spray-tans her half-naked "adopted grandfather" Popsy so he can play Tarzan in her Jungle Jane routine. Why do this to us, "T&T," why? Pass the eye bleach.
Stockholm Syndrome: OK, this show must be warping our brains, because we though Isabella's and Alexis' "tushie-shaking" numbers were actually kinda cute as opposed to creepy. Ah, and then there's Eden's over-the-top full-tilt jungle boogie to bring us back to snarky reality.
You Don't Say? Isabella receives a Princess title in her age group (aka a participation prize), and, shocker, Heather Ryan's clients take Mini Supreme (Alexis) and Ultimate Grand Supreme (Eden). And you can just imagine what gracious winners Mickie and her little totbot were.
So do you think the pageant was fixed? Or do the other moms just have sour grapes? And who were your fave tiared toddlers throughout the season? Tell us on our Facebook page!