Jan. 3, 2012 at 3:10 PM ET
The gang was Hawaii-bound on last night's episode of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." But this was no "Brady Bunch" Tiki trip. The getaway, to celebrate Mauricio Umansky's birthday, was first class all the way (minus one budget island hopper).
However, not all of the usual suspects made it to the tropics. Taylor Armstrong was still persona non grata among her 90210 pals because of her hubby's threatening email to Camille Grammer. And Kim Richards seemed determined to prove she's physically incapable of actually following through on any travel plans.
But who needs 'em?! Whatever last night's show might have been lacking in drama, it made up for with plenty of eye candy!
Kyle Richards' streak as the Bev Hills housewife with the hottest husband shows no sign of slowing as Mauricio walks into their bedroom topless and sweaty from a workout. Did Bravo producers push him to do it? Who cares? It may be the man's birthday but the show's giving back to us all. And judging by scenes from next week's episode, the skin fest continues for Umansky fans.
But not everybody appreciates a set of golden abs. After Brandi compares Kim's boyfriend Ken to a "gay bullmastiff," there's a cutaway to Kim: "Everybody has different taste. I don't think Maurice is the most handsome guy on the block."
(Bizarre sidenote: A Google search for bullmastiff proves Brandi's not entirely wrong.)
It's unclear why Kim and her facially-challenged boyfriend don't make it to Hawaii with the rest of the cast. A trail of phone calls suggest a broken alarm clock, an expired license, a lost set of keys, booking issues and an aversion to traveling in the a.m. Take your pick.
Back in Los Angeles, Taylor's venting to her TV-friendly therapist, Dr. Sophy, about missing the luau because of Russell's friction with her friends. "It's time for a tough decision," says the doc. And by the end of the episode, Taylor's telling Kyle and Lisa that she's left her husband -- bringing us one step closer to Russell's suicide.
After two seasons of suffering through Taylor's marital woes, this resolution may be a little too tidy, but we're not objecting. This is one incredibly tragic storyline that everyone knows is going to end miserably and the sooner it's over the better, (in our humble opinion).
Back on the beach, Brandi Glanville's offering an eyeful. The ankle cast is gone, replaced by an attention-grabbing crochet bikini that just barely covers the R-rated stuff. And the show's resident loudmouth promises she's going to get even raunchier after popping some Xanax to get through the flight.
(We assume she means the puddle jumper portion from Honolulu to Lanai, because the first-class trip from LAX on Hawaiian Airlines looks like an upscale cocktail party -- or possibly Heaven -- minus the deejay.)
But dissing Kim's boyfriend, putting on a fake British accent and having a roving nipple aren't all that outrageous. Leave it to Lisa to land all the funniest lines as she makes cracks about Brandi's butt floss and her own sex life.
It looks like Hawaii's magic is working on Lisa as she vows to break her "Christmas and birthdays only" rule. And hubby Ken Todd's not the only one about to get Lei'd. Even Paul Nessif thinks the Pineapple Island charm and lack of kids is gonna get him some sexy time with wife Adrienne Maloof.
So what do you think: Will all the couples come back cozier? Will Kim come up with a good excuse for missing the flight, or do you wish she'd stayed on the Mainland? Are you anxious to be done with Taylor and Russell's doomed relationship? And if Mauricio isn't the most handsome guy on the block, who is? Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.