April 17, 2014 at 4:20 PM ET
Ever wonder what it would be like to get to say things like, "I took care of the autopsy. It's handled."?
Or "I have kept this secret for 15 years. I have lost my life for 15 years. I have lived this lie for 15 years and all the while I have watched him walk away from me. I have been destroyed while I have made him President. It is my turn! He suffers. He hurts. He burns. I'm tired of carrying the cross. Let him pick it up now."
Or "Yum, yum, crispy piggy! Yum Yum!"
Now, you can. As the "Scandal" Gladiators around the country gear up for the big season finale tonight, Vulture has gifted fans with a monologue generator. Plug in your terms and you'll be talking. like. THIS. in no time.
If drinking is more your thing, play the Pintrest Finale Drinking Game. But don't blame anyone if you can't get up tomorrow.
Want to test your Gladiator skills? Take this trivia test.
Do you fancy yourself as an Olivia Pope or a Mellie Grant? A Fitz or a Jake? Find out here which "Scandal" character you are. Hopefully, you will survive the finale's catastrophic events and can then hang out with Jimmy Kimmel for his "Scandal"-themed "Jimmy Kimmel Live: Behind the Scandalabra" after.
The third season finale of "Scandal" airs at 10 p.m. Thursday on ABC.