TV

Emmys fun! 8 awards we'd give to this year's nominees

July 10, 2014 at 9:59 AM ET

Nominations for the 66th annual Primetime Emmy Awards were announced Thursday morning. But even with dozens of honors up for grabs, we can't help but feel the categories are a little broad: “Actor.” “Comedy.” “Drama.” Sometimes the real creative excellence is in the details. (Some spoilers ahead, TV slowpokes.)

‘ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK’
Nominated for: Outstanding comedy series
Should win for: Making mustaches weird again
Mustaches have been enjoying a renaissance of late — or had been, anyway. Thanks in large part to his bushy mouth brow, crooked prison guard George “Pornstache” Mendez was creepy enough to make most guys reach for the shaving cream.

Image: A scene from "Orange Is the New Black"
Ali Goldstein / AP via Netflix
Getting trapped, trapped, trapped with Pornstache would make anyone's prison sentence a hairy ordeal.

KEVIN SPACEY, ‘House of Cards’
Nominated for: Outstanding actor in a drama series
Should win for: Swiftest elimination of a major character
We’ve seen plenty of Washington wonks cut from “Cards” due to Frank Underwood’s ruthlessness, but no exit was more cruel — or quick — than that of Zoe Barnes. Railing against the reporter’s prying ways, Frank shoved her in front of a train, leaving fans nearly as flattened.

ANNA GUNN, ‘Breaking Bad’
Nominated for: Outstanding supporting actress in a drama series
Should win for: Best attempted murder with a kitchen staple
There’s stiff competition in this category, notably from “Orange’s” Red, who creatively used Saran wrap to choke a fellow inmate. But we were really on edge when Skyler seized that 8-inch knife and gave Walt the ol’ chef’s special.

Image: Anna Gunn as Skyler White on "Breaking Bad"
Ursula Coyote / AMC
In our view, Skyler made the Emmy cut when she finally snapped.

‘GAME OF THRONES’
Nominated for: Outstanding drama series
Should win for: Most out-of-control kids
Apparently nothing will get the Lannister siblings in line. Tyrion killed their father while Dad sat on the privy. Jaime raped Cersei next to the corpse of their incest-borne son. And Cersei led the trial she hoped would end in Tyrion’s execution. Suddenly Honey Boo Boo and her sisters don’t seem so bad.

Image: The Lannister family on "Game of Thrones"
HBO
The family that slays together deserves a prize for its deep dysfunction.

‘VEEP’
Nominated for: Outstanding comedy series
Should win for: Best make-believe meme
In preparation for a possible presidential run, Vice President Selina Meyer and her staff launched a promotional Web site called MeetMeyer.com. But then the site became a meme — and a prankster created a XXX parody version called MeatingMeyer.com. Think binders full of women but with more … beef.

MANDY PATINKIN, 'Homeland'
Nominated for: Outstanding supporting actor in a drama series
Should win for: Best Saul
You won’t find this moniker in lists of the most popular baby names. Heck, it’s not even in the top 425. Yet TV fans were spoiled with not one, but two spectacular Sauls this Emmy season. Saul Goodman brought cunning and comic relief to “Breaking Bad.” But Patinkin’s Saul Berenson successfully masterminded a plan to freeze the Iranian nuclear program. Tough choice, but we know which Saul we’re calling.

KERRY WASHINGTON, ‘Scandal’
Nominated for: Outstanding actress in a drama series
Should win for: Best concealment of a pregnancy
James’ murder wasn’t the only thing Olivia Pope covered up this year. In real life, Washington was pregnant, but thanks to a strategically layered wardrobe, some well-placed props, and Washington’s superhuman ability to refrain from eating pickles and ice cream on set, fans were none the wiser. Bun in the oven: It’s handled.

Image: A scene from "Scandal"
Ron Tom / ABC
Kerry Washington's pregnancy was an under-the-table deal.

Chandler Riggs, ‘The Walking Dead’
Nominated for: Nothing, which is crazy
Should win for: Outstanding actor in a scene involving 112 ounces of chocolate pudding
We’ve seen plenty of things get eaten on the zombie drama. Nothing has ever gone down as easily as when Carl sat on a roof and filled his belly straight from a giant can. 

Image: Chandler Riggs as Carl Grimes "The Walking Dead"
Gene Page / AMC
Pud 'er there: Carl clearly has an appetite for Emmy glory.


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