TV

Is 'Dexter' even trying anymore?

Aug. 26, 2013 at 8:34 AM ET

Dear "Dexter": Please accept our sincerest apologies to Dr. Vogel, for incorrectly pegging her last week as the Brain Surgeon. (In the non-elective, serial killer sense.) But she's still guilty by association: the cranial can opener is none other than her psychopathic son, believed dead after killing his brother years ago.

So that's the "incident long ago" that Evelyn hinted at to her dinner companions — hours before Daniel Vogel (aka Oliver Saxon, Cassie's boyfriend) donated another brain (Zach's) to her growing collection. 

Image: Dexter, Dr. Vogel
Showtime
The Psychopath Whisperer couldn't even whisper to her own son! #FAIL

Put another dime in the jukebox, baby
Daniel really, really, really likes "Make Your Own Kind of Music." A lot. In fact, he played it about 47 times on the diner's jukebox while waiting for his mom to show up and reminisce about happier times with Mama Cass. Instead, Dexter had drugged her (thanks, Hannah!) so that he could hang out with his spiritual bro over a different kind of table. 

Maybe Dex was rusty (how many people have been dispatched in his kill room this season?), but he let Daniel get away. So this is the "payoff" to the Cassie backstory, but we still don't care about her, or her murder, or Jamie's grieving, because the whole plotline was so random and forced. If the writers really had this endgame in sight, they could've set up Oliver in Dex's apartment building, woo his nanny away from Quinn, kill her and allow Batista to be more than Matthews' mouthpiece.

Pink is the new orange is the new black
Hannah is gorgeous no matter what she wears, but maybe she likes those orange prison jumpsuits best of all? Otherwise, why that body-hugging pink dress and beautiful blonde tresses? (We stand by our brunette bob suggestion.) She's the very definition of a head turner! When she needs to blend in most, America's Most Wanted Poisoner is prancing around town like a Maxim cover girl. 

Roommate from hell
But Hannah's knight in shining armor and with even shinier knife collection came to the rescue again with the perfect solution: Move in with her arch enemy! Only this show would ask viewers to believe Deb would go along with such a ludicrous idea — not to mention share a meal with the woman who poisoned her twice. Ha ha ha, what a funny scene. Really, there should've been a laugh track!  

Image: Deb
Showtime
If looks could kill, Deb would've offed Hannah about a million times this season.

Are you my mommy?
The reason Deb's harboring the B from Apartment 23 is that a U.S. marshal — following up on Elway's tip — is hot on Hannah's trail. He's smart and persistent — usually fatal qualities on this show (RIP Doakes, LaGuerta, Mike, Lundy etc.) — but maybe he'll be spared considering only three episodes remain. 

Deputy Marshal Clayton's tenacity has meant a few close calls, especially when Harrison showed him a picture of his family. Dexter heaved a sigh of relief when he identified his portrait of Hannah as "mommy," and fortunately Rita had blonde hair (before her bathtub blood rinse anyway). It makes so much sense that Dexter would allow his son to reunite with his beloved wanted fugitive. 

Image: Hannah, Dexter
Showtime
Harrison's new mom is totally killer!

No matter: Dexter plans to take him along when he escapes to Argentina with Hannah. But because he's super responsible, he's going to give his employer two weeks' notice. What could possibly go wrong? That won't make Clayton suspicious at all, and Deb will be totally on board with her nephew stealing away forever with two serial killers. 

It's the fairy-tale ending we've been anticipating for eight seasons, right?  

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